A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello my name is Ana and I would like some views about this, I posted this a couple of days ago and I would like to have some other views. My boyfriend of 9 months is a very very good man, I feel that with him everything is always so perfect, he does everything for me, my only problem with him is that he is not an emotional and romantical person, I am, I am a person that if there is a problem I talk about and I try to solved it, and I am also very sentimental. My boyfriend is a veyr bussy guy he works around 50 hours week, plus he is going to college( his economical situation is not good), in the other hand I have a wonderfull career and I have a very good job with a very good salary. I have to say that i don't care about the money, I just want to be with him. But his lack of emotion always put some stress over myself because it makes me thing that he doesn't really care about me. We manage to see each other 3 days a week, I know he hasn't seen his friends in like 2 months but he still manage to spend time with me. Also he is a very shy guy that gets embarazed of EVERYTHING, he can't even say words like breasts or vagina because he gets embarazed. So obviously we have been in 9 months relationship (which have been the first for him) and I still don't know his family, I know his friends but not his family,he has always told me that it is because he gets embarazed that his family knows he has a girlfriend, because this imply that we have a sexual life(I know this is truth, I never saw someone so shy for the sexual things), this is a family where no one talks about feelings or sex or anything like that. So the other day we had a fight, I was telling him that I couldn't be with some one that doesn't show me any emotion and that I was mad that after 9 months I still doesn't know his parents and his brother.I told him that he had to resolve those problems or I was going to leave him, he freak out, and he asked me that if finally leaved him, if we could be at least friends, I told him " No this is not high school, I don't want to have any contact with you if we break up", he told me that he has a lot of feelings for me that he has never meet anyone like me, that I am perfect for him. Then I asked him why he was more worrie for don't have contact with me after a break up than for the fact that I may leave him. He told me that he was worrie abot me leaving him but he was more worrie with the fact he may not see me again, that he want to be part of my life, even if we are not couple. Honestly I don'tknow what to think about this reaction, also at the other day of that fight he told me that he wanted to introduced me to his family, that they was going to like me because I was very friendly. So my question is what's the deal here? does all this means he doesn't give a crap about this relationship?, other thing he can spend one or 2 days with out making contact with me unless I do it, do he cares about me at all? I don't understand anything
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): Read a book; "men are fromMars, women from Venus' The author talks a lot about how men don't want to talk about their feelings and why.You seemed very stressed about your boyfriend's lack of emotions. But what about his actions? He sees you 3 times a week despite the fact that he is extremely busy, ignoring his friends for you.Your different financial situation may be o.k. with you, but not with him. men are very sensitive about their financial succes, especially if he knows that you are doing so well.Sounds like he came from extremely conservative family. A reason why he doesn't want you to introduce to them may be because he still has to get used to the idea that he is in exclusive relationship.You are getting too fixated on his behaviour. I am sure the fact that he is quiet with his emotions doesn't mean he doesn't love you.Tell him about your worries but in cheerfull way. Try not to threaten him with you leaving, that will do no good.And then deside for yourself if you want to be with a man that behaves like that. It's really up to you to continue this relationship. Seems though like you reallyy like him.I wouldn't insist on meeting his family. Insistance ussualy calls for the opposite reaction:resistance. Try to go with a flow, and appreciate the fact that he is shy when it comes to sex, that's a rare man you have there. Good luck
A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (13 November 2008):
 Relationships and romance are usually more important to women and usually men are too logical, rational and don't understand why women get upset all the time.
Just relax and don't tell him about everything that upsets you and you will see that he will then want to be with you more often. Men can't stand how upset women get and makes them feel too much pressure.
I made the mistake way too many times and in the end the men leave and think you are crazy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): He clearly does love you because he's stuck with you for this long, and even though he hardly ever sees his friends he sees you quite often. He gets embarrassed because that's how his environment has taught him to act. Remind him that meeting his parents means you know they had a sex life too so it's all equal! He did say he wanted to introduce you do his parents, so he does want to make you happy. Maybe it would be easier if you spoke to his family over the phone or something before you meet - then when you do it won't be so awkward =]
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