A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 25, my boyfriend's 27, we've been together for over 5 years, lived together in our own home for 2 years now. We have a young daughter as well - he's the father, I'm not a single mum etc. - she was born out of wedlock to be technical.In the last few weeks I've discovered his addiction to FtM (female-to-male) related websites [non-pornographic], he has a few "transmen" as friends on Facebook, and I found some fairly explicit messages from them. Ironically he's not into porn though, but explicit messages...I don't want to be homophobic or anything, but why is my husband like this, he has never shown any inclinations towards men before in his life!Now I find out he's been exchanging sexy messages with a transman called "Ryan" (who hasn't changed their name - it's a cross-gender one, apparently, that's new to me!) and he gave out OUR PHONE NUMBER to him online, which explains why there's sexy messages from Ryan on our answering machine. I've tried to find out why he's doing this, but he is unable to or won't explain, other than saying "The guy likes having a vagina, he likes me, we may be having hot sex soon since you won't give me any! If we are or not I'm not saying."He's also threatened to take me to court saying "you won't let me see my daughter, I know what it's like when women split up with their boyfriends, seen it on Corrie before!"I just remained calm, trying to keep cool thinking he was acting out of character.What should I do? I could split up with him but he's been so loyal and loving up until now, he's supported me through an illness, and been a great dad.I just can't understand why he's like this, what should/could/can I do?I'd really appreciate your help, this is wearing me down.
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female
reader, neomum +, writes (23 October 2011):
Firstly he can't take your kid as you are mum the courts very rarely give the guys the kids. Secondly he is cheating who cares if it with another man he is still cheating. please change your phone number get BT to give you a new one and then take your man to relate for some help he may feel that he either wants to be gay or transsexual himself. Lastly corrie is fictional
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 October 2011):
 I know sex would be the last priority right now and what he said didn't help make you horny at all. I would calmly tell him what he did was unacceptable but the relationship is not ending. Do something fun with him first. Hire a babysitter and go out in the country for a walk, or whatever you like doing. Remind him what you like about him and why you want to be with him. When you finally get some intimate time together could you at least give him a hand job?
Flirting with a transman could be a way to release sexual tension with less guilt. At the end it's better than flirting with a woman. There is also a reason why a transman, and not a gay man or a woman. He could have been sexually abused as a child and sexing up a transman becomes a way for him to help cope with the pain because he is both man and woman and therefore not threatening. It's a way to gain control he lost as a child. That's no excuse for flirting within a committed relationship but for a man to be interested in transman that's really rare.
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