A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles. I have a question which I am hoping I will get a few answers to. I wanted to see what everyone's general opinion was on knowing their partners sexual past, and the extent of that knowledge.In a relationship, do you feel the need to know how many people your partner has been with? And do you ask for details? Do you then tell them your past too?Or, do you let them know that you'd prefer they didn't disclose that kind of information? And do you keep your past out of it as well?I am asking because I am considering asking about details on my partners past, because he hasn't openly spoken about it since we've been together (we were friends for a while beforehand, and he did tell me bits here and there). I'm just really worried that I will open pandoras box, like I've seen mentioned here before. But I'm just so damn curious to know. I also feel like I want to know all of him, and I feel like I can't if I don't know this information. I'm not a very jealous person, however, he is. I don't have much of a past though because he's the only man I've been with.Thanks for taking the time to answer :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2011): glad it worked out for you
LoveGirl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys.. just an update. We ended up having the conversation last night. He was truthful and I was not surprised by anything that he said. He told me that I'm the only person that he's ever loved, and that's really all that matters to me. We even discussed my past also (not that I have much of one) and he was the one asking for more details when there wasn't really any to give! haha. I feel like we can move forward from this and grow some more together and continue to learn. Thanks everyone :)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 October 2011):
 the only thing I asked for was a current show of blood work to show no STDs...
of course at my age it's obvious I have had past partners... and it's expected.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): I know here on DC it is always advised that u should not reveal your past sexual history:
However in our current times AIDS!HIV is a relity. STDs also play a role and I think people are mighty foolish to not want to know. Don't play with your health!
In our country there is a huge HIV drive and also sex education drive.
I know of cases where people deliberately withheld their status to the other persons detriment.
One particular case comes to mind: a very affluent businessman needed extra life cover. However he was declined bec of his HIV status. This guy was faithful, married for years, had kids ( your so called normal guy) upon investigatio it was found that his wife was having an affair with the owner of a garden service. This guy was also sleeping with 2 other married women from this private estate. Needless to say this affluent community was the focus of much gossip.
For me I want to know name, number, serial number and birthmark (lol) I'd rather know what I am dealing with than get a surprise.
Our HIV campaign is "Love Yourself"m and I think I love myself enough to ask the hard questions.
In todays times If u are in the dark about your partners sexual history its like playing Russian Roulette.
LoveGirl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your input!
I'm pretty confident when it comes to our relationship. I don't really feel like I would have a problem with it. I know around the number he has been with, it's not a ridiculously high amount. It's just that if I were to ever meet a friend of his and they were a part of his past or an ex, I feel like it would be nice to know where they stand now. But to be honest it's unlikely to happen, because we are in a long distance relationship and the chances of me meeting his friends are slim (he's moving to be with me). We will both go and visit his town some time next year though.
This isn't something I am stressing over, it has just popped up in my mind a few times.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): If you find it "rude" to be asked about your past then I hope you never have to enroll in school, or get a job, or join the military, or borrow money, or sign a lease, or do just about anything else involving other people's trust.
The school officials, the employers, the recruiters, the bankers, and the landlords . . . are they all just insecure? are they just jealous?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): I think I would be very offended if someone asked me. If you want to share, that's fine, but I don't like the implications of why someone would be asking. it seems to show a lack of trust, and jealousy
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (23 October 2011):
 I know all the details of my partner's sexual history and I am perfectly fine with the knowledge. I don't feel any insecurities, nor do I have any hangups and obsess over his past. It all depends on the person and how secure and sensitive they are. If you're lack confidence and are emotionally sensitive when it comes to negative truths, I wouldn't recommend it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): How do you feel when you think about other people touching your man like you do? How would you feel if he wanted to know about your past? Are you ok with it? Does it bother you a great deal? If it's the latter and you're a person who has some insecurities (like me), I wouldn't advise it. It may cause a wedge in the middle of your relationship.However, if you're alright about it, then I don't see why not. There's always going to be that curiosity. Also, since you've only been with him, you should have no problem telling him, and he's no reason to get jealous, right?
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A
female
reader, girl8867  +, writes (23 October 2011):
 Well, I'd also say don't do it because I made the mistake of doing that and I used to not be a jealous person either, but when you love someone more and more, you get more jealous that they didn't have you back then. My boyfriend lost his virginity to someone else and I know everything and I wish I didn't. Like you, I have no past either. So it's frustrating and makes me insecure. So basically, don't do it!
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (23 October 2011):
 I would say don't do it. There's nothing significant to be gained, and the potential to open a real pandoras box as you put it. Relationships can be destroyed by this.
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