A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So for the past couple of months, I have noticed that my boyfriend of almost 10 months has been texting another girl a lot. We're both 17. I first I noticed this when I just had his phone and I saw the text conversation with her. I didn't really think much of it at first, as the girl lives in a different state. He's never mentioned her to me at all; all I know about her is what I've seen on Facebook. I just figured it was one of his friends. But as time went on, I noticed that it seems like he talks to this girl more than he does me. Sometime when I have his phone, I'll check his texts just to see if he's been talking to her. And of course, the text conversation is always right there. It's not that their conversations show explicit cheating. It's more of just flirting. And again, I have tended to play that off as we are both rather flirtatious in the way we act to begin with, regardless of who it is with. I feel horrible for snooping, as I don't want to be an overly-suspicious girlfriend. I want to be able to trust him in everything that he does. But this is just a little bit too weird for me. So basically what I'm asking is for advice on what I should do. I'm not sure if I should confront him about the girl, seeing that we have never discussed her before, making it obvious that I had been looking at his texts (I feel horrible for that already). I also don't want him to think that I don't trust him at all. Or on the other hand, should I just ignore it? Please help!
View related questions:
facebook, flirt, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Kokoro +, writes (17 May 2011):
 I would try talking to him about her. You have to remember being a teenage boy is hard sometimes, maybe he just doesn't know what he wants yet. The best thing would be to talk to him i think.
A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 Thats the problem with snooping; you find out things that aren't good, and you look just as bad because of the manner in which you got the info. If this girl was just a friend, why hasn't your boyfriend of 10 months told you about her, regardless of where she lives? Maybe you should confess, tell him what you know, and see where that leads. There is a lack of trust now, and he probably won't trust you either when he finds out you've been checking his phone. Be honest, talk to him, things might work out ok.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): can you find a way to just randomly bring this girl up in conversation? maybe ask him something along the lines of "hey, i saw this girl on your facebook page. she a new friend of yours? how did you two meet?" and see what he says. you already know some facts about them. you know he talks to her all the time, and you already know that they flirt. so wait to hear what he has to say about her. if he says that she's just some random girl he doesn't really know that well or talk to much, he's clearly lying to you and hiding something. if he comes clean and tells you that she's a good friend of his and that they talk often, but that you have nothing to worry about, etc, i wouldn't worry about it too much.or if he's on his phone as much as you say he is, he's certainly got to be texting some while he's in your presence. could you calmly and "just out of curiousity" ask him who he's talking to? if he tells you it's her, ask him what they're talking about. then ask him if you could possibly see his texts just to comfort yourself and make sure you have nothing to worry about. he should have no problem with this if he's not doing anything shady. especially since you say he lets you have his phone quite often already. if he does have a problem with this, he's more than likely hiding something.now if he says it's someone else, ask him could you please see his phone just to comfort you and put your nerves at ease and make sure he's talking to who he says he's talking to. make sure to tell him you trust him, but you just sometimes want to have verification you have nothing to worry about because you love him so much. if he refuses to show you or he winds up confessing it's her rather than who he claimed it was, there's a real problem. i hope this helped some.
...............................
|
