A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years and just had a baby a month ago he goes to school and works and I stay home on leave, my family and him dont get along and lately my family has been up to help me out with the baby because were around 6 hours away so they have to stay for a while, my boyfriend hates the fact that they are here and it gets me stressed out because i can feel the tension and we always fight over it he gets in a mood all the time because he says i act differently when my family is here which i dont. He got mad at me today because my sister painted my nails because he thought it was too strong but i was at the other end of the house where you have to go through 4 rooms to get where i was but when our child was brought home he got mad that he had to take his motorbike out of the house because it smelt like gas...and when my sister mentioned it he flipped out at her swearing at her and he got mad that I defended her not him, am I in the wrong? now my sister wants to leave because she cant stand him which is what he wants but I hate getting stuck in the middle of this I just feel like taking our son and leave away from everyone I just dont know what to do..None of my family wants to be here because of him Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (30 September 2013):
 It's been a month. Your family should now back off and let you and Daddy bond with the baby. It is very important for new fathers to have this time with a new baby. Unless you have a physical problem you should be mostly recovered from your delivery by now and ready to step up to motherhood with only the help of Dad.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2013): When I had a baby my husband's mother came to stay to apparently 'help'. I couldn't stand it and it made me stressed and ill - I couldn't even relax in my own home. It turned into a terrible battle as my husband went to work all day so I was stuck with this woman and a screaming baby. I just wanted her to @#ck off. In the end I had to ask him to tell her to go. My husband couldn't understand the issue but he wasn't stuck with her all day. I understand that you need help and are enjoying having your family there but I would suggest that they leave when it is time for him to come home if that is practical so he gets some time to spend alone with you and the baby. If as you say they live too far away to come and go let them stay for a maximum of a week - longer than that and it is not fair on him or as others suggest go and stay with them for a little while but come home at weekends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2013): Why don't you move in with your family for a few months until you are able to take care of your baby on your own without their assistance.It is rough having people in your house whom you don't like. They are your family not his so it isn't strange that he doesn't get along with them. He is stressed out having to support you and the kid while also going to school so its understandable that he wants to be able to relax at home not to be told what to do all over again. Also he probably wants to see his baby but you and your family have a monopoly on the baby so he feels like everyone is against him and in his own house that he is working his rear end off to pay the mortgage or rent for. Maybe I am biased. My best friend is a guy. When he and his wife had their baby a few years ago her parents moved in to help even though she was stay at home (which is the whole point of being stay at home which is so you don't have to hire or ask for help). Poor guy had no peace he became the guest in his own house. I understand you need help with the baby so that's why I suggest you move in with your family for awhile but eventually you need to be able to take care of the kid on your own so just see this as a temporary thing.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (29 September 2013):
 Your family is very nice to help you out but you need to let them know that them being there creates more stress for you. Your boyfriend needs to manage his anger better so he's at least polite and civil with them. If he is allergic to nail paint shouldn't you have known that before marrying him? Was he just being dramatic so that your family gets the point and want to leave? It's very natural for a man to come home, relax and be quiet. I felt your boyfriend was wrong for swearing at your sister. I doubt he would swear at you if you painted your own nails. But I also feel your family is being too helpful. It's hard to tell them you don't need their help anymore but promise them that you will visit them once a week.
Family dynamics is very fragile and need to be nurtured. You are lucky if you have members you can talk openly to, without worrying about hard feelings. "I love all of you, but the stress is getting too much." " I am sorry I can't stand the smell of ethanol. Can you not do it here?"
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2013): Why are you with him? He sounds rude, moody and temperamental. It's going to be a hard life with him. He needs to respect your family or you leave.
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