A
female
age
30-35,
*oveoverhate
writes:i recently caught my boyfriend of a year and 8 months texting 4 other girls and he deleted all of the messages between them but i searched words on his spotlight search and the messages came up. we broke up for about two weeks and i started back talking to him because i love him. well i have become insecure and last night we got into an arguement because i wanted to know who he was texting and he told me to stop being insecure. i feel as though i have the right to be insecure because of everything i have been through (this isnt the first time i have caught him cheating). so i had his phone and i saw his guy bestfriend text messages but there werent but like 5 messages between them when i know they text alot more than that so i just want to know since he had been deeting messages from other girls to hide the conversation is he now doing it for his best friends? i just dont know what to do i try to be strong minded but im beginning to think even though he is a good boyfriend in alot of ways that he is very sneaky and i cant trust him at all anymore... what do i do?
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best friend, broke up, insecure, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2013): yup, he is cheating for sure
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2013): yay, everyone gonna think I am in the wrong for saying, but put some spyware on his phone.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (21 May 2013):
 You need to leave him far far behind. He is playing you, I don't know the nature of your relationship, he may honestly love you. But even if he does, he is still playing with you. If he is texting other girls and deleting the messages that are exchanged with them, then he is obviously hiding something that he doesn't want you to see.
He is being completely disrespectful. Insecure? You have every reason to be hurt, upset, insecure and whatever else you're feeling. It isn't okay that he is doing this. Would he be alright with you texting four other dudes and deleting the messages?
Confront him, say this makes you uncomfortable, feel disrespected and unloved and if he doesn't make some drastic changes, then dump him and find someone better. Someone who will treat you with some respect.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (21 May 2013):
If you are ok dating a cheater and having no trust in your relationship, I think you should stay.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): Not one person on here with any sense will tell you that he's trustworthy- not only has he cheated before, but he's texting FOUR other girls and Deleting messages?? Bottom lline he's playing you for a fool; he knows you're too blinded by your love to see it and his actions are unacceptable! he has no right to throw any kind of strop because he's a manipulative sly cheat, I'm sorry regardless of how much you love him, or think you do, you're better off without this creep, really! Anyone deserves better xx
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A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (21 May 2013):
 You say you have the right to be insecure, but at the same time you have taken him back after he has cheated more than once. You know this guy is shady and can't be trusted, so why continue a relationship with him? What you have basically signalled to him by taking him back after just two weeks (no one changes in two weeks) is that it is OK to cheat. You'll be pissed off for a while but ultimately he'll win you over because you are weak for him.He is sneaky, he's a liar and he's a cheat. You say he is a good boyfriend in other ways but those are three pretty bad characteristics. You have to weigh the good against the bad here. I understand that you love him but I think that if you were to take a step back and try to look at the situation a bit more objectively you would see that the bad outweighed the good. I know what it's like to be with someone who makes you feel insecure. It's horrible not being able to trust someone you love. Your boyfriend should love you and cherish you and make you feel secure and happy. This guy cheats on you and makes you feel unhappy. He's not going to change, so you have to change and walk away from him.
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A
female
reader, loveNlove +, writes (21 May 2013):
Trust is everything in a relationship, if you don't have trust you can't have a good relationship. I've had the same problems in the past and the relationship didn't work and turns out it was just my mind thinking the worst. I would talk to him and tell him how you feel and if things don't change I would just give up and move on.
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