A
female
age
36-40,
*oConfused951
writes:Hi,My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three months and the first month was absolutely perfect. He was very attentive, called and texted me often, and also did a lot of PDA. The first half of the second month went easily. Then as we got closer to the third month he started talking about how he thought maybe he got out of his last relationship (of a year and a half) and jumped into one with me too soon. His ex cheated on him repeatedly and treated him very poorly. There was about a month between the breakup with her and deciding to be with me, so I can see why he feels this way. Sometimes he talks about how he thinks he needs to be single, but promptly takes it back and tells me he loves me and he is just scared of letting me in and getting hurt. He has told me I am the best thing that ever happened to him, but other days he acts indifferent. I love him and he says he loves me, but I can see in his eyes that he is torn in both directions. He wants to be with me, but he isn't sure he is ready. Has anyone had this situation? Is he having an inner battle of some kind? What can I do to help? How long is it reasonable to wait before deciding to give up on trying to heal his wounds?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): I totally relate to where you are coming from on this one as I was in exactly the same situation with my ex. We were good friends, and I was there for him when he broke up with his ex girlfriend. We became closer and eventually, against my better judgement, we became girlfriend and boyfriend after he assured me he was over his ex (we got together about 3 months after they parted). In hindsight, I should never have got together with him as I had wondered at the time if he was truly over her. Like your situation, the first month or so was great. But then it all started going downhill rapidly. We had sex, and immediately afterwards he was saying how amazing his girlfriend was. I was horrified, heartbroken and felt horribly duped. After that, he started becoming cruel to me and dumped me after nearly 2 weeks of not contacting me. He seemed to be taking out all his anger on me instead of his ex-girlfriend. I never thought that a man I had known for so long was capable of being that cruel. It took me a long time to get over him. I had to face the fact that I was a rebound and that I deserved far better than to feel second best. I would strongly advise you to sever contact with this guy and move on with your life because you deserve to be treated as No. 1 in someone's life.
A
female
reader, SoConfused951 +, writes (25 April 2008):
SoConfused951 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, here's an update. Wednesday we broke up because he was starting to ignore me. He was forgetting to call, standing me up, and making me feel like a very low priority on his list. Yesterday we talked, he said he does love me but he's not sure if he is ready for a commitment, and we made the agreement that we would try to work it out. He told me to call him later that night. I did, he didn't answer. This morning the same situation. I haven't heard from him since we had our talk. I think he needs his space and time to sort things through, so I won't be trying to contact him again until he tries to get in touch first. Does this mean it's totally over? Is there still a chance he gets his space and decides to stay with me and keep trying? He's so guarded from his ex I don't think he allows himself to feel. Am I totally wasting my time?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): Hi,
This happens quite frequently & since I'm a male, I see this alot from females, from my experiences & also that of friends. The other guy is right, he did not give himself enough time to get over his ex. That is why I always make sure that when I start something with a girl it is only if I feel that she is completely over her ex, if they just broke up or had a fight I am like no way you still have feeling for him & you will probably wind up cheating on me with your ex if I start a relationship with you. He is being very selfish. He has clearly communicated that he realizes he should not have started a relationship with you because he still has feelings for his ex, yet he does not want to let you go because to him you are a "safety blanket." I would have to say there is a high chance of him cheating on you with his ex, & that if he doesn't do that, he at least thinks about her while having any sort of sexual relations with you. You have to wake up & smell the coffee, he has made it clear that you are not the one for him, stop wasting your life & loving on him, be fair to yourself, end this relationship & get out there find yourself your true love.
OwHiTeLiOnO
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