A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello!So I really need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years now. Living together for 2. I'm 20 he's 24. We just moved to another city because it's closer to my job. We pull in and I realize that this guy I work with lives across the street. Already "Jay" starts in on me. Who is he? Do you think he's cute? etc.. Now my boyfriend is good looking, intelligent and has a great career. He's respectful (to a point, depends if we're fighting). I'm also not easy to deal with and have a ton a of baggage and he's still here. Couldn't ask for anything better. He has nothing to be insecure about.Well the kid I worked with brought me to work because my car was in the shop for a day and we go in and leave at the same time. It was just convenient. I felt like when I got home my boyfriend just asked a million questions. He was also in a awful mood because I "didn't call him when I left". Now, it wasn't because I didn't want to. I just thought it would be weird/rude to talk on the phone while in the car with my co worker. I just feel like after being faithful for 3 years and planning my life around him I should get some credit. And when I say credit I'm referring to trust. This isn't the first time he's acted like this either. It's a fight when I want to go out with my friends, not to really "go out" but to have a girls night. He's in a miserable mood. I just feel that I don't want to waste my life, these are my 20's. I deserve to have someone who trusts me. I want to be able to have a life outside of him. I should be able to have guy friends or co-workers. He needs to get past the fact and stop thinking that every guy is trying to destroy our relationship. I'm not being naive, there are guys like that out there but if something ever crossed the line it wouldn't continue. What do I do? I've talked to him about this numerous times..I feel like nothing changes. The only time I see my friends are for New years or if they have something where he can go too. All my friends are away in school and I'm not "allowed" to go visit. Please..any advice would help. Am I wrong? Should I not be doing these things? I don't think it's wrong to go to a party once in a while with some girlfriends. I'm not talking about every weekend here.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 October 2011):
 His behavior is based on his own insecurity and not your behavior and nothing you can do will fix that. Therapy may be in order either for him or couples therapy.
No one person can be everything for everybody... does he have friends/co-workers near where you are?
When you say you are "not allowed" what do you mean?
I know that there are things my partner would prefer me not to do but there is NOTHING he can or cannot "allow" as I am an adult...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): I've had a similar thing with my boyfriend, we've only been together for just under a year, and we're a few years younger than you, however we both get jealous pretty easily when it comes to the opposite sex. We both got controlling about it, neither really spend time with friends, neither had friends of the opposite sex etc. But because we both felt the same way about it, it just worked for us, made us both happy and feel secure. A few months ago though we got in a fight and he was like why are we doing this to each other, we both love and trust each other so why are we acting like we don't? Which was fair enough, we weren't acting like we trusted each other and we do, so it was very stupid. I'm old enough to go out and drink, however my boyfriend is five months younger than me, and he won't let me go out with friends to drink or out to clubs. Sometimes I think it's unfair, makes me feel crowded, I would never be unfaithful to him, but I know he does trust me, and he just sees that going out like that as a thing that lots of people do to meet people, and because I don't need to meet people that I don't need to go. Which I'm actually happy to not go, to be honest I'd rather experience that with him. Part of me thinks he might just get a little jealous. He's really into djing, so thats where he wants to be.I guess all you can do is bring up with your boyfriend that if he trusts you, like he should, then he should act like it. I think you will find that he does, just some of us still get worried, which we shouldn't cause when we really think about it we know our significant others wouldn't do anything with anyone else, I know I sometimes I ask questions like your boyfriend does, I think mainly it's just a matter of fact of hearing the answers you want to hear, even though you trust them, it's nice to hear that you still can. If that makes sense?But please do talk to your partner before it eats you up and does damage to your relationship.
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