A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have an otherwise great relationship with my boyfriend of two years. We have a lot of fun and have lots of things in common. My family and friends think he is a great guy too. However there is one thing that really bugs me. Whenever we are watching tv or out for the evening and an attractive scantily woman comes within his vision he feels the need to comment on them and it really annoys me that he has to draw attention to them. He will say things like they should be wearing a sports bra if they are jogging or he bets they are cold or have they forgotten their skirt. I find it really immature but he says that he is only commenting and I need to stop taking it so seriously. It has caused a few arguments. How can I stop myself from getting wound up by this. Its not all the time but seems to happen at least once a month and I don't see why he just can't keep his comments to himself. Is it just me or is he just being an idiot?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2011): Hi. My bf does this too, sometimes. I personally think if I man is this open with you he has nothing to hide and you can trust him. It's no big deal and whatever the pseudo feminists say, it is a man's nature to look and okay, maybe it is a bit insensitive but if you were secure in yourself and with him, why does it bother you?
Also, form what you have said, it sounds like he is criticsing these women more than anything.
A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (13 October 2011):
 Tell him how it makes you feel, make him understand it upsets you.
That said, sounds like he is making what he sees as funny comments.... It's not that he is comparing them to you or saying "wow look at the boobs on that" he's making comments that her skirt is too short, she's got hard nipples.
Would annoy the heck out of me, but I think hes just trying to be funny. I'd tell him it's not funny... They hate thinking their not funny.
Other than lowering yourself to his level, or actually beating him too it (maybe he is just trying to wind you up?) by beating him to the comment you think he might make he might stop??? Or when he goes to open his mouth to say it finish the sentence for him and roll your eyes... Not sure what else to suggest.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Sooty70  +, writes (12 October 2011):
I have a similar thing with my (cheating) husband. I now know he is a womanizer since he has cheated.He sees women on TV who do or say something silly and he finds it hilarious, I dont, it is just on TV. He makes comments about women and even tries to make up nicknames or funny names for them if they have an unusual name, even if they are just a reporter.I dont know why he does this and I think it is immature and shows he has a complete weakness for women.My husband is in his late 40s, and I feel he acts like a 16y.o. schoolboy when it comes to women.I dont think it gets any better unless maybe you point it out to him. I have pointed it out to my husband about his behaviour and I get told I am full of shit.Good luck, I'm sorry I havent got a solution to your situation, but to at least let you know that other men to it too and it shows their immaturity.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 My philosophy is men are visual creatures and tend to notice womens..um "gifts".
I have told past bfs "I do not care if you look at the menu, as long as you dine at home.". I do not worry about comments or glances of other women in person, tv, etc. It does not make me feel insecure. (As long as he is not comparing me or suggesting I me more like them...)
I would not comment about other men in spite, but I do feel free myself to admire other men. As long as it is not vulgar or demeans my guy it is all fair.
Learn to desensitize yourself to his comments. They are just comments with no filter. They are not a rejection of you or intent towards someone else. He is just being boyish.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): Let him know it hurts you and it's disrespectful. If he continues, then you are left with the knowledge you have a boyfriend who knowingly does things that hurts your feelings, unreasonable and disrespectful things he should not do. I doubt he makes those comments at work or around your parents so you know it's easy enough to not do it...I'm not buying the "no edit button" rationalization.
When a man adores you and sees you as his future wife, he will not treat you like a beer buddy at a bar. He'll live with you and waste your precious years though!
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 I'm with person12345, two can play at his game. You start commenting on the yummy guys you see and wait for the reaction, smile sweetly and say oh but you are taking it too seriously.
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A
female
reader, LustyLisa +, writes (12 October 2011):
Start pointing them out top him first! Really, it works like you wouldn't believe. He's probubly doing it out of thoughtlessness and being an overall dick. That's what they do and who they are but once you make a point of showing him you are not the least bit affected by his callous remarks, even joining in on the tasteless comments, it will lose it's luster to him at least in your presence. Before you know it, if you do it right, he'll realize that his behavior in a realtionship is unacceptable.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 October 2011):
 My boyfriend does the same thing but his comments are things like "nice boobs" or "great shoes" or "gorgeous legs"... he's just got NO filter... and I've learned that he does NOT do it to cause a fight or make me feel bad about me.. it's just his stupidity... and I told him... "hon I can deal with your comments on a day to day basis but when we are out on a date I need you to not say them" and he can do that for me. I'm sure if I put my foot down and made him stop saying them to me all the time he'd stop too.
I think you have to think about why it bothers you so much. If it happens only once a month I'd try to figure out why it bugs you so and talk to him about it.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 October 2011):
 He's being an idiot, but clearly arguing about it isn't helping. There are two approaches. The first is to CALMLY talk it out. Don't yell at him and accuse him or he will just get defensive. Just say, calmly, that when he constantly draws attention to attractive women it makes you feel bad. Then leave it at that. Don't engage him if he tries to argue. Either you should leave if he argues, or if he tries to have a proper conversation about it, you can tell him how you feel. Calmly.
Then there's the slightly immature but maybe effective approach, why not give him a taste of his own medicine? Put in the movie Thelma and Louise (trust me on this one) and when the scene with a young Brad Pitt shirtless comes on, say, oh wow is that my hairdryer? And rewind it. Twice. When he comments on it, point out that's how you feel when he does it.
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