A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, I need some serious advice from the guys out there, how would you want your gf/wife to handle this situation with you?? My boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year now, and up until recently he's had a drinking problem and the only time we would have sex is when he was drunk. Well, we've worked that out and he's stopped the drinking, and come to find out- unless he's drunk he cums really fast when we have sex. So we talked about it and he said that he's embarrassed because he knows he can't fulfill my needs when he comes so quickly. I told him that I still wanted to fulfill his needs so we needed to have sex whenever he was in the mood (cause i'm always in the mood it seems like). I can tell he's excited a lot of the time when we're in bed and all cuddled up, but he never tries to initiate or anything. He said that he really just needs me to be agressive and initiate - so I have been trying but I'm afraid of rejection because he just never seems to want it. I know that he watches porn and masterbates and I'm starting to get a complex that he would rather just do that instead of dealing with me or our sex life. We're back to only having sex like once a week... We're in our mid-twenties for crying out loud, I need more than that - what can I do?? I don't want to embarrass him by continuing to talk about it but why won't he just approach me more to have sex. He knows I'm more than willing...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): It is probably a confidence thing. He cums quickly and knows that is no good for you so he avoids sex as he doesn't want to peform so poorly. You need to tell him that is okay and that you'd rather he cum quickly than not have sex at all. Like has already been suggested, it can work well to go at it again a short while later as he will very likely last longer the second time around. He needs to work at this and work out what works for him as doing what is doing will just compound the problem.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): You'll find that you can have sex once, let him rest for a bit (5-20 mins i'd say because he's young), don't worry about him coming so quickly the first time...then have sex again after he's rested and he'll last much longer and can sort you out!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): I really feel for you, I can sense that you love him very much and that the last thing that you would wish is to let all that go over sex. I have been there, you are not alone.Look from what I know sex is a physical expression of an emotional state, depending on the sort of sex you like tells a lot about the relationship.That said, he ,may be coming really fast as a result of watching a lot of porn only cure for that is to cur down on the masturbation and the porn and have more real sex. As to him not initiating it, well I know how that feels, you dont want to have to beg for sex, Have a herat to heart and explain the following,What you feel for him,What sex with him is like (closeness, caring, unity etc...)What you love when he does,What situations turn you on get you in the mood, could be candles could be a back rub, could be when he puts the cat out, these are things which will then allow you to know you are physically desired.Ask him what he loves having done to him,practice practice and he will get better.Now having said all that if he is only interested in having sex with himself and watching porn then unfortunately thats something only he can fix, i am not suggesting you leave hime but you have to be honest with yourself as well.I really hope this helps this is based in my experience, All the best
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A
female
reader, samjayne775  +, writes (17 April 2009):
 Ok, im not a guy but he is probably scared. If he was onyl used to having sex when drunk, and knows he cums quickly when sober, he probably feels like a failure. He might think that if he tries to initiate something that he will embarass himself in front of you. I know that he may not seem like it but try to start something. Don't be afraid of rejection other wise nothing will happen. He may be putting up a front to hide his fear. And maybe, knowing that you are more than willing is making it even harder for him. If he cant "perform" and knows you can, that is going to be a big hit on his ego. Just try pleasing him without the push for sex and in turn he will please you and that might lead to something. Hope this helps. xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): "He said that he really just needs me to be aggressive and initiate"Thats him telling you what he needs right now."why won't he just approach me more to have sex."Because he wants you to do it, for some reason. Life has its losses and rejections..if you go around fearing them, then you will miss out on a lot of joy. I'd suggest you dress in your sexiest outfit, and just POUNCE on this guy. Channel a female lion. You'll be fine.
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