A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm starting to think im cold hearted or something.Two people have died recently my form tutor that i had for 4 years and now my grandad.But yet.... tears do not flood my eyes, nor to strong emotions... Whats wrong with me? :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): We are humans and obviously all humans have emotions, but everyone handles their emotions differently. When encountering death many would just cry their eyes out, while there are many others who do not know how to react. And that is normal. There is nothing wrong with you, this is you're own sense of trying to handle what has happen. You can be calm and you can be relaxed. And maybe deep in your heart that is how you have made yourself handle this problem.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): Hello again.Maybe you could explain to your family that you are not sure how to act in this situation, and that it is getting to you? Or just be yourself and if anyone says anything, tell them that you are still letting things sink in, and that it is difficult for you too, which it is.I am also not very good with emotional stuff, like hugging people, things like that. Some people are, and some aren't. And as the other posters have said, everyone reacts to grief differently, in so many different ways, and there really isn't a right or wrong way.Once when I was out with my mom and little sister, we lost sight of my sister. My mom was screaming and crying, completely hysterical, but I felt perfectly calm and took charge of the situation. I spoke to the security officer so he could block the exits, and went round the shops we had been in to look for my sister. We found her, and later my mom was telling everyone how calm I had been. I too worried that people might have thought that I didn't care, or that I was cold and heartless, but I did care, it was just how I had reacted. And someone had to be calm!I hope you don't mind me telling you that, and I know it is not the same as your situation. But I am just trying to reassure you again that there is no correct way to respond to things, and it doesn't mean you are cold-hearted.I'm sure that people will understand, and try not to think that everyone is judging you and how you deal with this, because I'm sure they aren't.I hope things go okay. x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): Hi,Thanks for all your replies. They have reassured me that I am not heartless in the matter of death.I also have a problem with what my brother was having a go at me about earlier. He was saying about going over to see my Grandma. Like my brother and my other 2 cousins already have.Thing is, when my brother went, i was out so i could not go with him. But half of me doesn't want to go over because im not good with the whole how to.... i dunno. My mum said to go round and give her a hug and say something. But i have no idea what to say and what to even do if i go round there as it seems i have to otherwise it'll seem to others as if im cold hearted.
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male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (17 April 2009):
 I find the same thing, when somebody close to me dies, I don't cry, and get quite clinical and cold about it, but sometimes get emotional years later.
Everyone grieves differently and just because you don't cry now doesn't mean that you are cold or any less of a person, also with age you grieve differently so now you may not cry but when you are 30 and your dog dies you may grieve for a month.
Grieving is one of those things you can't write a mathematical formula for, everyone is different and has to deal with it in their own way. Just support the other mourners and do what ever you need to to get over the loss.
Some people like to cry and wear black others go to the pub and have a drink in memory, you just have to find what works for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): There's often a difference between what we've actually felt about someone and what we're expected to feel. I was sad to lose my grandmother, but she'd been comatose for months -- I saw it as a relief and a mercy, so no tears. But when I had to have my dog put down I completely lost it, for days.
Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): We all grieve differently. Don't be so hard on yourself! You may just be numb...the feelings may come from left field when you least expect it!
Don't try to force feelings that are not there yet! Sometimes we are too angry at them for leaving us (at first) Give yourself time!
Good Luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): I'm sorry to hear of what's happened. You've had a lot to take in.The fact that you are concerned enough to ask this question shows that you are not cold hearted. But people react to these kinds of things differently. Some people are very expressive of emotions, others are not. You say that you are not feeling any strong emotions, but this is common too, believe me. If these events are recent, then it might not have had time to fully sink in. Or you could be in a state of shock, and have gone a bit numb.I personally don't think that there is anything wrong with you at all, although this must be really difficult for you to deal with. I would say just give it time, and see how you get on. But the way you are feeling certainly does not mean that you don't care. You obviously do.I hope this helps, and I hope things get better for you soon.-Sam. x
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female
reader, samjayne775 +, writes (17 April 2009):
 Im so sorry. People express emotion in different ways. Some act out with anger, some cry, some even keep themselves busy to avoid the truth. Whatever way a person expresses emotion doesnt mean that they are cold-hearted. When my gran died, i was in such shock for months. At first i was just acting normal as though it never happened, then i began taking my anger out on those closest too me nd then i spoke to my family and now im ok. But i never cried. There is nothing wrong with you. If you need to, speak to a person you trust the most as sometimes simply talking can ease the pain. Your not cold-hearted, you are like any other person grieving at a time of loss. Again im sorry for your loss and hope that this will make things easier. {big hugs}
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): Your just in shock thats all
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female
reader, rose the relationship solver +, writes (17 April 2009):
 nothing is wrong with you, its just u cant show your sad emotions. my brother had the same thing and he still like it now, your sad inside but you dont want to show it that's the only explanation. your not cold hearted. if you were you wuld say you dont care if that person is dead. dont worry kkkk.
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