A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I really need help please.I love my bf as a person. I think he's great but recently he's been losing his hair and its really starting to look bad. He's tried many different hairstyles but they don't really suit him. Recently he shaved his head bald, however I have found that it's really affected my attraction to him. I love him so much, but I feel that this is really getting in the way of our romantic life. I don't know what to do....I know many men go bald eventually, but we are still so young, and I just can't see myself with a bald man. I just feel like it's so unfair that this has ruined our relationship! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2009): My boyfriend started going bald at 21 (he is 32 now). It affected him very deeply, and he had no confidence with women as a result. Although he started losing his hair 10 years ago, it is still an issue for him. I feel it is only due to my constant reassurance that I find him attractive that we are together. He used to wear a terrible fake hair product to disguise his bald spot, and I have only recently persuaded him to go au natural.I am sharing my story in the hope that you might understand how devastating it is for a man to lose his hair. It seems to affect their ego, and their idea of what it means to be virile and sexy.My point is that if your boyfriend picks up on the fact you are losing interest in him sexually due to his baldness, this will compound the problem in his mind and make him feel worse. If you truly can't come to terms with it, you should leave him in the kindest way possible, and leave the baldness aside as an issue. I think kindness is the key here. You must think of him, as your actions and words will contribute to his attitude towards his baldness. How much better to let him go gracefully so he can find someone who can accept him for who he is?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): Last night my husband and I went out, and he usually wears a ball cap, but he couldn't. He likes it when we joke about his baldness, so when he asked how his hair looked, I said, well, you've got a big part in the middle of your head. Anyways, it Is superficial, and that's why I don't let it get to me through our 17 yrs. of marriage. (He used to have Gorgeous natural wave hair..wimper)My thoughts are, if it were me, I'd want a hair transplant. Why does this have to be such an issue? People spend money on other luxury items or hobbies that can add up to the same amount. Just because our ancestors ruined it with their nutrition doesn't mean we should just accept it?, if it's that important to us. I guess I'm a little vain, but I do love my husband anyways.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): One thing you need to know is that he can't do jack shit about it. Baldness is not really treatable for men. There are a thousand different expensive medications and products being sold for baldness, and none of them make a real visible long-term improvement at all. He could spend $1000 a month on the problem for the rest of his life and he might still have less hair than he started with 5 or 6 years later.
...............................
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (16 March 2009):
 I had a friend who deliberately shaved his head when his partner went through chemotherapy a few years ago. She lost her hair, and he thought it would make her feel better if he wore the same hair-style. I thought that was really sweet of him.
Now he keeps the shaved head because it was easier to maintain (although I suspect because now he's actually losing hair as many male caucasians do LOL). She has regained her hair back and cancer free - though she now does not follow his hair style LOL
So the punch line is I guess, they went through thick and thin together, so the more reason they stay together.
I also knew a friend who was a swimming and triathlon athlete (almost made it to the olympics) who shaved his head by choice (he was 21 yo) as they believe thatit reduced friction in the water when all visible body hair is shaved. Man, was he sexy as hell!
However, if it is a deal breaker, it's a deal breaker. But even men with receding hairline, when they are dressed sharply and they are funny and confident and kind, they are still appealing and sexy looking to some women.
Love his heart, his mind, his soul. Look into his eyes, and you will find your answer there.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (16 March 2009):
Yes it's superficial, but attraction is a HUGE part of being with someone.
It's just the same as if you got a big tattoo or put on 5 stone. It's superficial but it really matters.
Some girls LOVE bald men. If he's not your cup of tea then let him go and find a girl who'll shave his head for him and find it so sexy to do so.
Some people would say that you should be able to look through it and stay strong. I say that it's this kind of thing that saves you from marrying the wrong person. You may well have found your feelings for him faded to friendship in 5 years anyway.
Carry on and see how you feel for a little while. Don't let him know it's anything to do with his hair.
If you do decide to end it then just be honest that you don't feel the same any more and this relationship may have a sell by date.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
male
reader, tux  +, writes (16 March 2009):
 If you only love your boyfriend as a person, then I think there's something more driving you away than his balding head. or his balding head is just causing it to come out into the light for you. I guess it's just part of our superficial side of our emotions. We shouldn't be afraid of being superficial because after all, if we are not attracted physically to someone then there is going to be a long, hard road ahead of you if you try to fake it. Being superficial to an extent isn't bad, it's only bad if you are only with them because of the way they look. In the end, love is a mixture of physical appearance and mental appearance. If you don't have a good balance of the two, you are going to end up not being happy and fooling yourself.
You just need to step back a little and see if he still fits into your balance. Does his mental side balance out his physical side?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): Oh boy. It's remarkable how balding can age a man. I have no doubt that he feels even worse about it than you do.
I'm willing to bet a dollar that someone is going to chew you out for being superficial. Maybe that's true, but for lots of people changes in a partner's appearance can be a bridge too far. I'm not gonna judge. You've said it's an issue, so it's an issue.
Unfortunately there really aren't any great solutions. You could talk him into a toupee (ugh) or transplants (ugh) or trying one of the prescription meds that claim to help. I suspect that will just make him so self-conscious that *he* feels the relationship is ruined. Otherwise, you can live with it or move on. Only you can know what's right for you.
...............................
|
