A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 1 year is going for lunch with one of his exs.I know 2 of his ex-girlfriends, as they are part of our social cicle. One of them is just an acquaintance, the other is actual a good friend os us both, and we go out several times. None of them was ever a threat to me, and I never felt jealous or afraid.However, the ex my boyfriend is meeting, is, to me, a living legend. I hear people talk about her and the whole idea that I have of her is that she is perfection in person. She is financial stable, as a good job, is extremely intelligent, nice.. I've seen pictures of her and she has the face of an angel and the body of a supermodel (and the thing is, I'm not even exaggerating..).He talked about her maybe two, three times. I have no idea about how they broke up, about how they met, nothing. If I had to bet, I'd say she broke up with him, which makes me even more afraid,He told me she just came home from a long trip, and he'd like to meet her, as they do not speak in over three years. I know he has her on facebook, but I also know the biggest contact they have had over the internet is the occasional like on a picture.He asked me, and insisted quite a lot for me to go with him to this meeting. I first said it should be a private thing, but he told me he'd really like for me to meet her.I am very afraid. She is perfect in all levels. I know nothing about their story. She is comparable to the girl in "500 days of Summer", both in charm and cuteness. I am the most average girl in the world, not even pretty, not even with a nice body.I have immagined all these scenarios where he realizes or remembers how she is so much better than everyone else. I am afraid his feelings will pop up again.I told him that ONLY if SHE didn't mind I'd go with them.I am trying to take this ever so lightly, but I am panicking, to a point where I almost cry when I hear people with the same name/surname as her (ridiculous!).Should I ask him about their past? Shhould I just ignore and act casual? I don't think I could handle staying athone while they go on lunching..What should I do?!
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female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (7 June 2014):
 The other 2 aunts gave wonderful advice. Remember that looks can be deceiving. In the long scheme of things, its what is inside that matters. Have you ever seen a lovely piece of chocolate, bit into and thought "YUK..this certainly doesn't taste as good as it looks!" Don't you think it could be the same with the ex?? I mean, she is his EX after all. There must be a reason why! I would be happy that he wants you to meet her. He is being upfront about it, and wants you to come! I'd say he's a right upstanding guy. Alot of men would never say a word to their girlfriend about meeting up with an ex. He must be proud of you, certainly that means something!
Be who you are sweetheart and don't for a minute show that you are anything but confident. She might be a really nice girl but they just didn't suit one another. Who knows? Bottom line..he's with you. Did you ever consider that perhaps she might feel insecure?? Just because a person is good looking doesn't mean that they don't have insecurities too! Just something you might want to think about.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 June 2014):
 I'd met her and I would be nice to her. My guess is SHE IS just a friend. HE could easily have snuck out to lunch with her and never told you, instead he ASKED you to come. THAT means, you MEAN a LOT to him.
Don't overdress, but look put together. If you dress up TOO much it makes you look like you are trying to hard to "claim" ownership.
And know this.. despite her perfect looks and sweetness - HE is with you. You might not know the whole story about this girl, she might be nicer on the surface then she really is.
My second BF was a model (he was also one of my big brother's good friends) he was gorgeous and I had a crush on him since I was 10. I swear! We started dating when I met him again at age 25 (he was 28) gorgeous, sweet,charming, sorta funny, but DUMB as a rock. Unless we talked "shop" shoots, designer clothes, music, movies... he really didn't have much to say - it was like having a conversation with preschooler at times ( he did graduate high school). He would get bored at museums, couldn't take him to the opera, ballet or theater, didn't like books (because why not just wait for the movie.... *duh* lol I had a couple of co-workers who were SO jealous of me because of him, but what they didn't get was..... his looks and charm just wasn't enough for me.
MAYBE that is like that with her.
Don't COMPARE yourself to other women. There is no point. YOU are UNIQUELY you.
Go and met her. Be nice :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2014): if she is sooooooooo perfect why arent they together?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 June 2014):
 First things first. Calm down and breathe. Don't ever let yourself feel the least bit inferior to a single person in the world. What difference does it make what she looks like? If he leaves you for her, then he's a shit that you're better off not with. The fact that he wants you with him is a good thing in this meeting, but if it were me, I wouldn't be keen on his keeping a close friendship with her.
I understand about exes running in the same social circles. I also understand about crossing a line. Your boyfriend is being honest with you, and that is a good thing. You say that you're afraid? The only thing to be afraid of is dishonesty in your boyfriend. He's being open with you.
Have you ever played poker? When you meet with her, keep a poker face. Don't let her see any threatened feelings. It's the inferior small dogs who guard the bone and bare their teeth while they shake. That's not you. You are the self-confident alpha female who isn't threatened by curves, 100-watt smiles, and eye-batting.
There is no man in the universe worth feeling desperate over. If he ever crosses a line with her or anyone, then you know that you can live happy with someone more worthy of you than him. And if he's honest with you and faithful, then you are worth it.
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