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age
36-40,
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writes: Hi everyone,I need some help. I'm a 26 year old woman who has recently just become serious with my boyfriend of 6 months. He's 35 and has 3 children from a previous relationship (aged 9, 5 and 3) although he hasn't been with their Mum since his last daughter was born. I completely understand that his children come first before me and I would not want it any other way. However, he thinks its time for me to meet his children necause we have facetimed so they know who I am etc. They are amazing kids and he is such a good Dad but I'm worried about how to be with them because I'm not their Mum. Their Mum has remarried and my boyfriend and her are completely amicable and are so good at co-parenting. He has his children every other weekend and every school holiday. I think its jus a case of finding the best time. I don't want them to think that I'm stealing their Dad from them but I don't want to be a push over because they don't take me seriously. I'm a bit worried about what to do to be honest? Thanks x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cattycakes  +, writes (11 May 2014):
Leave discipline to their Dad. Use humour to win them around but since their parents have already been strong for the kids, don't do each other down etc. As things are well settled I don't think you have too much to worry about. If possible invite their Mum and partner over for nibbles and wine so the children can be even more reassured. If you can do it, it will show unity and be a really good basis for the future. I don't mean getting too close, unless you are very comfy with that. I have this kind of relationship with my ex, his parents and his new wife. Their little girl, my son's half sister, gives me cuddles. We are really lucky, any probs we just give each other a call for help or advice. This looks really good, make the most of it.
A
male
reader, methuselah +, writes (11 May 2014):
Hello, I think this is a good situation for you. From my experience, I dated a mum with 3 children and got serious. I was really nervous to meet her 2 boys and daughter and felt quite out of my depth with thoughts and fears. However, I tried to be natural, I didn't try to be anything I wasn't or anything I 'thought' I should be. I came with an open mind, and was polite and friendly as I normally am. Yes, I was worried if they would play me up or try to treat me as a push over but I just was myself. I feel for you, you just need to turn up, be friendly and this can gain their respect. It must be rather strange and challenging for them. But as an advice, try to say and do things that are 'right', try not to be something you are not. Try to act as you would act with any person and try not to be on the defensive. I am now married to 'mum' so things worked for me and I have 3 step children that I love and they respect me. Best wishes.
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