A
female
age
36-40,
*ustagal
writes:well the thing is, my bf was an addict when he was a teenager. and now we have been together for 5 yrs now, now he is 25.It started 2 yrs ago,he used to drink alchohol only with friends...then it got worse, and became a habit. Now he drinks every weekend since the last year..when he gets frustrated at me or anything he drinks and then get really abusive. it came down to once a month. And im afraid -is this ever going to change? Ofcourse I'm not against of alchohol- its ok with me if he does it once in a while but I just want him to not drink when he is upset. He is dependant on alchol and still it is going like once in a month. what can i do here in this relationship?
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female
reader, Oregongrl1  +, writes (2 June 2010):
An alcoholic is always an recovering alcoholic even when he quits and can never take a drink again, because once he does he or she will repeat it all over again! i would get out because you are doing nothing but enabling him. and if you leave then he has to deal w/ it and think about what he has lost! and if you mean something to him he will seek help, and if not then not only is he a selfish human being he is train wreck waitng to happen!! do you want to be around when that happens or do you want to be laying on the beach soaking up the some SUN! getting over that part of your life! and moving on to a better life!! don't feel bad for some'one who does'nt give a dawn about you. and he never will. they say when they quit drinking and your around you are just a reminder of when he use to drink it brings back old memories and they relate it to when they use to drink it is a long shot that they come out of it doing wonderful and never relasp and treat you w/ respect.
GOOD LUCK!
A
male
reader, Kama  +, writes (31 May 2010):
 I see - I'll be interested to see what others think, but it sounds like your husband is emotionally abusive, and that he does have some signs of being an alcoholic. The feeling guilty the next day, frequency that he drinks, and how he uses it to self medicate are signs of alcoholism. This means he is beginning (or has been taking part in) a cycle which he will have to take responsibility for - including the pain he is causing for others. If he does not change himself, drink less or quit all together, he may never change, and alcoholism IS progressive; he will become more depending and possibly more abusive.
Seek help for yourself now - if he doesn't listen to you and is not willing to change, you must protect yourself, maybe even leave him. Protect your body and mind, you must take your own health as the most important thing here. If you love him you might try to help him deal with his addiction, but eventually if he does not stop threatening you and making you feel bad, you may have to leave him. This is a very hard truth; I have been on both sides of it myself.
Reach out to friends and family about this if you can; it is a very hard thing to deal with alone. I wish you the best of luck. I have myself dealt with alcoholism, and have known alcoholics who can limit their drinking, and ones that have to quit (cannot control their drinking at all). It is hard to know which way your husband is, but it is up to him to find out. If he wants to stay with you, he will change. Emotionally abusing your partner is not OK. Every couple had problems, even aspects of their relationships that could be considered abusive, but this is when it becomes something of true concern: when it is a habit that is taking away your happiness. I hope this helps; please take care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, justagal +, writes (31 May 2010):
justagal is verified as being by the original poster of the question well, he always drinks when he is in bad mood! so he gets abusive. he uses slangs and threats me over phone. the next day again he is sorry ! im so fade up with this. sometimes i feel like he uses drink as a excuse cz the reasons he becomes upset are so simple, and ppl are dealing with them everyday. im so confused and hurt :(
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A
female
reader, justagal +, writes (31 May 2010):
justagal is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell, most of the time he drinks when he is in a bad mood! and abusive in a sense he talks rubbish on phone, threat me, and sometimes uses slangs.i hate that.i get scared of him when he does that.the next morning again he feels guilty and says sorry!im just so tired of that. and the fact is , the matters he gets upsets with are not that big deal, ppl are dealing with it everyday. sometimes i feels its just an excuse of alchohol. idk, im so confused :S
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A
male
reader, Kama +, writes (31 May 2010):
It all depends on what you mean by abusive. If he always gets mean after he drinks, this is one thing. If he gets mean only when he is in a bad mood and drinks, this is another. What do you mean by abusive?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 May 2010):
 You will never be able to change him. All of your effort and love and desire that he stop abusing alcohol will not be effective. This guy has to want to change himself, and right now, he doesn't want to.
The real question is - what is good for you? An addict isn't thinking about anyone but himself, and you said that he was abusive when he drinks, and he uses excuses like being frustrated with you as reasons to do so. Is that the ideal long term relationship partner?
If I were you, I'd stop trying to help/change him and get out of the relationship as fast as you can. He will not change for you or anyone.
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