A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my bf now for 2 months. things have started up really well. i can be very shy around guys but with him i feel i can be myself and conversation doesnt just dry up like it did in my previous relationships. he has the nicest personality and always tells me how much he cares for me. here is the not so good bit.. i dont know if im very attracted to him. he is certainly not a bad looking guy and has a good body etc its just i can be a very fussy chooser and i dont feel much of a physical attraction towards him. i think he is ok but doesnt give me any butterflies when i see him and for me physical attraction plays a large part of a relationship. i dont know what to do though as his personality is one of the best i have seen in a guy. should i just try to overlook the fact i dont really fancy him.. or could it develop over time? any personal stories similar and advice greatly appreciatedthanks
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female
reader, jenimeri +, writes (9 December 2007):
As a woman who married a very nice guy at the age of eighteen thinking I would eventually find him attractive, I think I can say with some authority that if you don't feel it now, it isn't going to happen. I stayed with my husband for fourteen years because he was so nice and caring. In the end, we both wasted a lot of years in a relationship that was never meant to be.
A
female
reader, jenimeri +, writes (9 December 2007):
As a woman who married a very nice guy at the age of eighteen thinking I would eventually find him attractive, I think I can say with some authority that if you don't feel it now, it isn't going to happen. I stayed with my husband for fourteen years because he was so nice and caring. In the end, we both wasted a lot of years in a relationship that was never meant to be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): Sorry, but if there is nothing there now after this time, then i dont think it will come.
take care
xx
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (8 December 2007):
 Physical attraction does play a big part in relationships, and it’s crucial that you find your partner attractive. You just don’t learn to be attracted to him. That's instinct and comes from deep inside you, you can’t change it. You surely can learn to love him, but attraction is a different animal.
I wouldn't compromise if I were you. Be honest with yourself and consider this relationship may not work. If you don’t feel attracted to him now, consider if you find another guy later on and cheat on him. That can happen, and how would you control yourself, when you already admit you don’t have the physical chemistry with your guy you really want?
Love should always begin with attraction and than find a deeper place. But if attraction isn’t there in the first place you can't just fake it. Think on this carefully before you go too much further with him. If you break up with him try to be honest with him about it. I'm sure he would want to hear the truth. I’d think he’d also want a girl who is attracted to him; if you don’t fit the picture, he can live with it.
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