A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 2 years is accusing me of going out on a date with an old crush.This guy i used to see before me and my bf started dating told his mom, who happens to be my boyfriend's BOSS, that me and him went out on a date 10 months ago.It never happened. I have tried telling him that but he just keeps asking me why his boss would lie to him?I haven't talking to this guy in over a year... dont have his #... or facebook. Nothing. And he goes to college out of state. I don't understand why he would tell his mom this lie after over a year of not speaking to him?We sorta left on a bad note... he tried hooking up with me and i would say no repeatedly.Idk what to do????.. my bf doesn't trust me now over something i never did! and wants to break up!it's my word against his boss's word, and he even said..." its not looking good for you"
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (5 August 2011):
 A agree, it sounds like the boss is manipulating your boyfriend. Does the boss know it's your boyfriend? Could it be, "you rejected my son, so I pay you back by saying this untruth to your boyfriend?" I don't know the boss, or any of you. I can't say for sure, but I can say, I know adults that would do that believing they are doing something good for their child. It's wrong, but it happens.
This supposedly happened 10 months ago? Was he out of state, in college when that took place? This is August, so 10 months would be October. If he was in school then, he would have been out of state at the time the boss claims this date happened. Also, last October, what were you two doing? Generally when someone lies about something happening, and you recall that time, it can easily be refuted.
The other issue is your boyfriend. What would he accept the word of his boss over yours. Doesn't he know you enough after 2 years to have trust in you? That's an issue that needs addressed, where trust is the foundation of any relationship. I'd wonder if he's always open with you. I'm not saying he's not, but it leads to that question where he doesn't take your word. Because if you were both open to each other, then he'd know you were being truthful. It's generally when someone keeps little secrets, even if they are insignificant to the relationship or the other person, that they believe the other would do the same.
Personally, I'm a hard ass when my trust is questioned. I'd say, "After all this time, you don't trust me when I say this didn't happen. I can't make you trust me, and I don't know how I can prove this to you. Do you want to be in this relationship. If so, you trust me, and we drop this. If you don't trust me, then maybe we need to rethink our being together." That's just me, but realistically, 2 years being together, sharing everything, and this comes up. I'm sure it was hard for him to hear that from his boss, but come on, after 2 years, I would have expected more out of someone that I'm with, not "its not looking good for you."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): It's a said that woman generally lie to make people feel better about themselve and men lie to make themselves appear better than other. There's no way to know exactly what his boss said to him, but given their relative positions, it wouldn't surprise me if your boss told a lie to his underling just to boost his own ego.
It sounds like a really crappy situation. It's my opinion when you're wrongfully accused of something, say your piece, but don't try to insist if someone chooses not to believe you. It seems like your boyfriend only wants to believe what he wants to.
" its not looking good for you"?
That sounds manipulative. And if someone were saying things like that to me even though I'd told the truth, it's at that point where you have to tell them, "I know what I know, but since you can only trust my boss or me, you'll have choose who you want to trust." And frankly, if he doesn't trust you, then you shouldn't be seeing him anyway. If it were me I'd break up with him to show him you're serious. That way he also know he's not holding anything over your head the way he seems to be trying to do right now. I suspect that might the only thing that shows him you're telling the truth.
It's a shitty situation. I do hope it get's resolve for the better. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Ftstewartwifey +, writes (5 August 2011):
Hi,If you know you haven't done anything, then you may have to face the fact that this guy may not be fore you. And from experience some bf or gf accuse the other of cheating to deter the attention away from what they are doing. I would suggest you take a closer look at your boyfriend....
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