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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for six years, we have two kids together.I love him ,but he is very mean and he has OCD.If the house is not clean he goes crazy he starts calling me name and yelling at me. I dont know what to do. I dont think that our kids should have to go through this, but I dont have a car or a job to get up and leave so what do you think that I should do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): i am going through the same thing right now and i just wanted to tell you that you arent alone
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): oh, call the police as the LAST resort. I called the police many times...they HAVE to arrest SOMEONE for domestic. Once I called, and my ex said I was the offender (a lie, although I DID defend) Often you will get a macho cop. And that time they arrested me. The bruises sometimes don't show up until the next day, and when you have adrenilin from abuse you do not always notice the pain. Miraculously, the judge looked at his record and I didn't pay a fine, although I paid for a lawyer, but it was terrifying and unjust for me and my child.
Good luck. Keep a part of yourself, deep down, always looking for a way out, and don't pity him. He is like a shark, that smells fear. Keep yourself looking...try to remember always what he did to you, and feel no guilt about keeping secrets from him...he has done nothing to deserve better. Squirrel away your kindness for after your escape. And good luck. This is no time to let down your guard. You need to remember only you can help yourself, and he will not expect you to, so that is your strength. Also, you have righteousness on your side, even if he has made you feel it is all your fault, it isn't, he is a liar, remember that, and play by his rules.
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female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (5 February 2008):
First of all I don't know how he has obsessive compulsive disorder. I used to think this about my ex husband. Honey he is controlling you. Firstly you don't have a car so you are trapped and isolated. He has a mental list of all household chores that he expects to be done and picks on you and berates you in front of the children about the house. His put downs coupled with the fact you don't have a car and are under his financial control means basically he has you right where he wants you. You are his little puppet on a string and if you don't dance just how he wants you to he throws a little tanty. Do you know the cycle of violence? There is the honeymoon phase where things are great he may even help with the housework, commend you on being a great mum to the kids etc and you think wow this is great. Then for no reason you feel the tension mount again and the build up phase whereby you can sense his irritation and he may hint at things that irk him but not anything tangible. Then is the intimidation phase where he becomes the standover man and nothing you do is right everything you do is wrong and you feel useless. Then bingo comes the explosion the arguement what a lousy mum you are, why can't you be like so and so and keep your house tidy, i work hard all day to come home to a slob etc and blah blah blah. Then is the phase I'm sorry so sorry. He may not say sorry he may say things like if you hadn't done this or said that or worn that or talked to so and so then I would not have lost the plot. Then comes the buyback phase. He senses that you are feeling like crap and may distance yourself from his control so he may buy you something or cook tea or let you go somewhere or take the kids to school one day or let you have a lie down cause you need the rest. etc then follow this with the honeymoon and the cycle goes on till you feel like a hamster on a wheel spinning around unable to get off. Contact your local police or your nearest domestic violence women's service and go and have a chat to a domestic violence worker darling because you and your children are living with dv not ocd.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): This sounds really awful for your children, as well as you. And I'm positive you love them both with all of your heart, so for all of your sakes, you need to ring the police, and there they will be able to give you some useful numbers. Don't worry, they won't come around arresting anyone, but they will be a great deal of help.
I can understand your problem - how you love him, but he gets irrational. I can imagine how you're feeling, and it's difficult, but you have to do what you know deep down is best. Leave him for a while, get him help from a psychologist or somebody, and then re-build your relationship when you feel you're both ready. Staying together will, in time, only make it worse. Yet, if you sort it out now, your relationship as a couple and as a family has the chance to be re-built, and put together again. I hope this helps :] good luck. Don't be afraid to get help, they're there for you, and so are we :]
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (5 February 2008):
 Call your local victim services dealing with domestic violence. You're right, you don't need to put up with this, or allow your kids too. Being OCD, is OK to a certain extent. But just because he is, doesn't mean you have to be. I'd tell him if he wanted to be with you, no name calling, or yelling. That say's he's more in love with the sense of control.
If you can't find the victim services, call your local police department and they can put you in touch with someone who can help you.
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