A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months now. 5 months ago, he told me that he had an addiction to pornography. I was really upset at first, but then decided to stay beside him, be a prayer support, and try to get him through it. Things are the same way now as they were 5 months ago. I hate that he has this problem, and its' tearing us apart more and more every day.What should I do? Thanks..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): Please honey, Don't even think about it! I threw away 2 years of my life on a man like this and you know what? They never change! It will get to the point where you resent him and don't value yourself, every day becomes a struggle because it's like there's another person in your relationship. You've got to find a guy who will love and cherish you and be willing to make YOU happy.Good luck. xo
A
female
reader, On Cloud9  +, writes (19 September 2007):
 I went out with a guy for a few years with the same problem. I am not naive I was aware that guys have interest in porn and thought it was natural when we first got together because he was single so I thought no more about it.
but then we moved in together and I used to find magazines and dvd's hidden in various places all over the flat. When I first found them I was upset but he was very emabarrased and said that his mates from work gave them to him and he would stop.
that was that until we bought our first computer and then he seemed to get worse and worse. the internet was used as a extensive porn mag basically. I felt I was getting no attention anymore it was all about the porn and it was always behind my back. Everytime i nipped to shops for 10 mins he was on, or sometimes he would get up in middle of night. It was extremely difficult to cope with.
I actually began to feel like I was being cheated on. It was strange but extremely hurtful. He admitted by this time that he was addicted but it strips away at you bit by bit until your self esteem practically vanishes. I began to feel very unattractive and it is a very unhappy place to be and I would urge you not to venture into this lightly.
As with all addicts they will do whatever they can for their fix and rarely think about the damage they are causing other people. Perhaps not intentionally but nevertheless it still stands.
I hope you get the support you need to get through this, and I will be happy to be part of your support network should you need me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): I am sorry for what you are going through. Prayer will help you but it won't do it for him. You need to be strong. And he has to make a commitment to do whatever it takes, now, to break free from this addiction. His commitment must be shown by persistent, determined action; in this arena, words alone mean nothing. This will mean that all porn must be removed from the house and he will no longer corrupt himself or the love of this relationship. There will be friction and conflict. Do not allow this to go unchallenged. If he can't seek professional help with your support and love, then he will have to choose eventually between his addiction and you. This is what it will come to. The blame for what he is doing lies squarely on his shoulders...don't ever feel guilt for doing this. Ypu did not cause it and he has to help himself fix this. He will use manipulation and deception to cover up his addiction. He will be convincing. You can't trust that he's getting better from what he says...his actions will be the clearest indicator of how serious he is about getting help, so look for proof in his deeds, not his words.
Please remember, you have every right to demand that your husband chooses between you and this addiction, and you should. Where a lot of women make a mistake is they become blinded and go into denial..and they enable their partner's addiction. This will keep destroying your soul if nothing is done. If you see that he is making huge, momentous efforts to help him,self..get in his corner and support him. Keep your mind healthy and deal with the stress by look for support groups or speaking with other women who are going through the same heartbreaking time. If you don't want to do that, then seek the help of your own family and close friends to help you through this. Do not allow his shame to prevent you from seeking support. Good luck hun and check with you family doctor or your church pastor, for help and referrals to addiction therapy.
Best of luck and take care, dear.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007):
Maybe the allegory at this web page could help you.
http://www.marriageromance.com/stories/11415737310.htm
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A
female
reader, L.O.S.E.R.  +, writes (17 September 2007):
 Never knew theres such a thing as "addiction to pornography" lmao.Maybe he's overrating his issue or something,it can't be that bad.It's like if I'd say "I'm addicted to collecting posters",point is: soft addictions can be stopped with free will.If he wants to,he'll quit.Now in what way is he showing he's addict and how does it disturb you I'm not sure-I guess that if he's a sicko you'd dump him long ago.Dunno girl,I find it difficult to write you any advice.If that bothers you why are you with him for so long?And what do you wanna do-make him stop watching porn?Try talking to him again and explain him that it's not one of the things he has no influence on.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (16 September 2007):
You need to help him find more things to occupy his time.
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