A
female
age
41-50,
* dont know why
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend now for a year and a half and a couple of times when we go out we are drinking and i flirt with other guys i mingle and dingle and flirt and kinda forget about my bf then on we'll usually get into a fight and on the way home ill sy mean things to him like i dont want to be with you or im not happy or you dont appreciate me blah blah stuff like that..then the next day i feel really bad... but i need to figure out why i say those things and why i flirt???? please help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): do you really love him? are you really ready for this relatioship? are you willing to commit to him? does drink make you feel better and relaxed for a short period of time, then you drink too much and get out of control! do you know your limit, and ever say to yourself, "time to go home i have had enough". ask yourself what are you like when you go out just with the girls? are you the same? if so go to the first question again! do you really love him!
this may seem to be a bit heavy but ask these uestions o yourself, remember it is not easy kepping a relasionship going ther is alot of compremising and forgiving to do before you accept that yourself in that relationship. last point! how much does he love you and how much do you want to be with him! anwser this truley and that is you anwser! only you know how you really feel words are not enough. you can seek all the advice you want, but only you know. we are all the same in diffrent ways. be honest with yourself and your partner they and you will be better in the longrun what ever happens.
A
female
reader, On Cloud9  +, writes (18 September 2007):
 I experienced the same thing when I was out with my partner and it too drove me mad trying to understand why I behaved so badly and inappropriately, but it really does come down to low self concept and alchol - a lethal combination.
For me anyway, I used to enjoy the banter but then it got out of control and I started making a fool of myself and I ended up very unhappy and making my partner very unhappy. I eventually realised that there had to be something I could do about it all so I reflected on it a lot and came to the conclusion that I didn't really think much of my self image and was really seeking the attention of other guys to prove my attractiveness or increase my belief that I was attractive. How ugly inside do you feel the next day though when you realise how you behaved? it is a vicious circle.
Of course you are going to get uplifted by the prospect of other people finding you attractive but you are on a very distructive path and its not too late to turn back.
I know so much about this I could honestly write a book about it but in general I needed to learn how to like myself and improve my true sense of worth. You are worth more than being leached over by some sleazy drunk guy, so it isn't very flattering when you realise they cant even remember your name.
You really need to start repairing your self esteem and avoid/cut back on alcohol as drinking makes you loose your inhibitions, your mind, spirit and control. You should not really continue to punish yourself for something that is out of your control but you can do something to stop you getting out of control (hope that makes sense)
The important thing to do now is to reflect on your behaviour and learn lessons from it. and remember more importantly that you could end up in trouble, i.e. some drunk guys may get angry of they find you are leading them on etc or if you succum to pressures you may find yourself in an uncomprimising position. - look after yourself and keep yourself free from harm.
You have punished yourself enough, you are only human and we ALL makes mistakes, trick is to learn from them x. I hope it goes well for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): Alcohol does not do this to me. So I can say in my opinion that you're really not happy with him & the alcohol just makes you comfortable to tell him.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 September 2007):
 Personality change after drinking alcohol is a red flag. You have a symptom of alcoholism. If I were you I'd lay off the sauce, you can't trust yourself under the influence. Stay in control.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (17 September 2007):
You drink so much you lose your manners.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): It's the alcohol for sure. That happens to me too when I drink. I feel very flirty and often very sexual. Why?? I don't know. And of course, the next morning I would feel so bad and embarrassed and wondering why I was such a different person when I drank. My last bf was the first one to point it out cause he was very jealous. And because of him I became more aware of this and more careful. I didn't want to lose him. But it sounds like your bf might not have that effect on you just yet. I guess when you feel like you can get away with it, you have nothing to stop you. I used to feel that way with ex bf's who were not jealous or who I knew would let me get away with it. Well your best bet is to stay away from alcohol or just don't drink so much. You might just be in a frame of mind where that is your reaction when you drink. But people change. You may go through a different phase eventually that maybe will make your reaction to alcohol a little more tolerable. In the meantime, just drink slower and keep your bf in mind. Think about how you would feel if you lose him. And maybe that will make you a bit more hesitant to act "inappropriatly" in his presence.
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