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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I have been seeing this guy for 6 months and im really happy. But I just don't know how to let go of his past. I'm 21 and he is 26. We have a great relationship and are really happy but his past really upsets me. He has slept with over 50 women, used to drink and take drugs every day. During this time he met one women and she fell pregnant. I don't have any children and the thought of another women pregnant with his child makes me sick. She now has 4 or 5 children with 4 or 5 different men, which is stranger still as when we go and get his daughter she latches on to him because she doesn't get much attention from her mum - she's nice to me but if we hold hands she breaks it up and wants to stand between us. I know he's changed for me, the drinking has stopped, other then when we go out and he doesn't even smoke, let alone take drugs. I just can't stop thinking about all these women. I feel that he must feel bored with me as I don't smoke or do any of the crazy things he's done and he's my 3rd partner (where as I'm number 56). I know he feels really embarrassed about what he's done and I would love to move past this (he's a lovely, giving, caring man) and concentrate on the two of us but I can't seem to. I don't know what to do any more as it's driving a wedge between us. Any comments would be greatly appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2006): Girl, don't do anything to jeopardize this relationship. In the past, I used to have insecurities, and I still do, but I always tell myself, "I want her to be happy."
I know having your lover have such a past may be difficult to accept, but you HAVE TO EXPLICITY REMEMBER - he changed for you. You even said it. He chose you - you are NOT a bore. Stop thinking negatively. Unless he does something to make you think/feel otherwise, I say girl - STOP! And just let it flow... 8]
Trust isn't the only thing in a relationship, but that is one of the key components. Trust him is all you can do. The past can't change, and if you can't change for his past, then the other thing you can do is simply leave him. Just be gentle. Don't break his heart. I knew someone like him. When he found a girl he loved and changed for, that same girl left him and he became even worst after that.
[sigh]
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A
female
reader, wishes +, writes (20 January 2006):
 He obviously wants to be with you. He wouldnt want to stay how he used to be for the rest of his life. What sort of a life would that be? I know its hard, but try to forget the past. Whats done is done and you must let it lie. Just because he has done all of this doesnt mean he will fall into it again, or he is more likely to cheat. If you want to look at it either way I would actually say that he is less likely to cheat as he has "been there, done that" and he knows that he no longer wants that. Its funny, my finace has been with more women than he can count but I dont worry about any of them. The only one that has ever crossed my mind is the one that he spend several years with and had children with. Your boyfriend has cleaned himself up which in turn would have made him stronger as a person.
The daughter thing is a completely different issue. She needs to realise that you are not trying to steal her dad and she can have as much fun with the two of you than she can with just him. Can you spend one on one time with her? Even just a trip down to the shops with just the two of you. Get her to trust you. Good luck! Best wishes x
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