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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm not in a relationship now but this guy I like, who's also a good friend and enjoys teasing me. The other day we were watching a horror movie and he told me about the time when he was watching another horror movie with his ex and he was so scared, squeezing her hand and all then said "I really need a girlfriend now." I didn't know what to say so I smiled and turned away. Then while we were walking and I told him I'm freezing (don't mean anything, was really freezing), he said jokingly "too bad I'm not your boyfriend, otherwise I can warm you." I laughed. Then he added "oh, I know who you need now, you need XXX" (my classmate, who I think is irresponsible and I can't stand the sight of him.). He keeps insisting that XXX and I belong together and blah blah blah and I keep telling him I hate that guy, he won't listen, keeps joking about it. Last night, before he left for his family holiday, I told him, with some irritation, "how many times do you want me to repeat this? I hate that guy, he's not even a friend, just a classmate. " He changed the topic. Sometimes, I just wish I can tell him this, "it's not him I want, it's you. " If we don't see one another for a month or so, happens if we're busy with exams, I might not get the "I'm in love" feeling but it'll all come back the moment I see him, if you get what I mean... Sometimes, I wake up happy thinking, "life is good, I'm in love!" There are times when the idea of a relationship scares me. Just the thought of being a big part of someone's life, that I can hurt him. I'm not afraid of committment, and am not ashamed of him. He's met my parents, met them after mass, in church. Just had time to say hi and merry christmas. My mum doesn't really fuss about me talking on the phone so late at night. She used to, when we talked about 11-12 plus. I've met his parents too. We're polite to one another, making small talk and all. I don't really know what's the problem, why I keep freaking out every time we take things further. So I think he feels I'm sending out "mixed signals." Don't know what to do...
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2006): Trying being mature about it. I found that people who found it awkward to stay as good friends afterwards, are those who hesitate to stay as friends.
For example, I have a friend (we'll call her Dora) who was in love with one of my childhood friends (named Thomas). He was perfect in her eyes - strong, handsome, sporty, fit, nice, christian (she's devoted), has a wacky sense of humor, etc, etc, etc, and she constantly bugged me about him. Thomas is very Paladin-like (don't have another word/term for it). He would treat his female friends as friends, and the thought of anything more than that is very seldom. They went out to the beach, brought his guitar, sang and played together. They went back to his place, cooked and had a great time, played games, watched movies, talked about the bible, etc, etc, etc. In the end, he became awkward and avoided her. Dora, bugged me to no end asking many questions, but she eventually understood. I urged her to not be awkward, though I am sure it is a natural feeling initially.
About a year passed, Dora continues to email him, call his cell and just take it easy - want to simply be friends. Thomas on the other hand was scared - was hesitant. I playfully scolded him, "Dude! What's going on?! You explicitly told me that you don't mind being friends with her. So what's the problem?!" He basically told me that he feels weird. I scolded him, "Weird? That you want to be friends with someone who wanted you? If you let your 'fears' of hurting her for any degree affect you, then obviously, you might as well give up on life itself."
Basically, I told him that there is a risk in everything. She took that risk, and in the end, wanted to stay friends with you. She knew that the failure rate would be at least 50%, and she took it. You (him) on the other hand, won't even take a step to honor your consideration to stay friends with her! And you (him) call yourself a Lindenwood champion! [snicker] Hehe... 8]
Well, Ms. Anonymous, I know you two are afraid of losing this friendship. Being best close friends have its limitations - I am sure you are aware of this. I always tell my friends, wouldn't it be great to have a girlfriend or wife that was a friend before we started dating? [sigh] It's tough.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionprobably, martini. I'm afraid of losing the friendship and I think he feels the same.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2006): So cute! 8]
Well, you're obviously scared, like you mentioned. You're also probably afraid he may reject you, but like I said in another thread, if you don't go for it, you may never know. There are always risk factors, but that is a given for anything. It's an investment that you have to decide to dive into. Cast those butterflies away and just do it... 8]
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