A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for four years when I met him he was amazing and wee just seemed to click. I also have a young daughter and after about a year he started offering days out with her too, which made me fall in love with him more that he didn't have to do that but he did and I loved him for including her. I'm just trying to give a full picture here. Over the last two years wee have had major fights with each other and it's gotten bad, he will go from being on top form to something switched and he says the most hurtful things to me like he doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me and I have given my fair share.Then that I have never loved you still burns in my mind though is that true? Then I look at his action of how much he's shown me he does.My partner also works 60 hours a week and is 15 years older than me and has expressed he's feeling burnt out, when he's feeling rested he's a different person and tells me he didn't mean that he didn't want to be with meBut am at the point now of is there truth in that? Would it be more beneficial to him if I just walked away? You don't say words like that if they aren't already burning there.I do love him and would support him with anything as he done for me.That's the hard part his actions says he loves me but his words burn. I just don't know what is best anymore.Sorry this is long winded I just wanted to give a full picture, he's a good man a very good man and the content of which they words where delivered. I just don't know what to do. My heart would break if I lost him as I love him so much, is it beneficial to him though if I did accept what he says in the moments and leave. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (13 March 2024):
 I don't think that any of this is a very healthy situation, not for you or your child.
It seems like your relationship has unfortunately run its course.
Its not ok for your to be spoken to like this, emotional abuse is just bad as physical, and over time this is going to wear you down and your mental health will slowly diminish.
Its time now to just think about you and your child and walk away from this relationship and start afresh.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 March 2024):
 I forgot to add,
He can be a "Good man" but not a "GOOD man" for YOU.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 March 2024):
You have to decide if this works for you long term or not.
I think it IS a total dealbreaker to say things like:"
hurtful things to me like he doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me "
I do get that he SHOWS love but that doesn't mean he can say crap like that and NOT be taken seriously.
Saying hurtful things when stressed is NOT a good way to deal with stress.
YOU are NOT his VERBAL punching bag.
What he MAY not know is that over time you will pay less attention to what he does (of good things) but pay attention to his words, and as of now they DO not match up.
When people talk crap to you, or treat you badly understand that this IS how they feel (IN THE MOMENT).
How much of this anger will filter down to your daughter? Who is growing up with a man who OPENLY tells his partner (you) that he feels CONTEMPT for her?
Sounds like he feels ENTITLED to verbally have a go at you on occasion and he EXPECTS you to just suck it up.
Ask yourself, what does he GET OUT of saying things like that OTHER than making YOU feel like crap?
Have you EVER sat him down and told him HOW hurtful his words were? Has he ever explained WHY he said those things? Or have you both left that HUGE elephant in the room?
Personally, I would NOT be OK with this.
I think my love for that person would vanish over time.
And I think this is an unhealthy environment for a kid.
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