A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been told that my husband of 25 years is having an affair with a woman we know. The person who told me has said they’ve been seen together in places they shouldn’t be and that it’s been going on a long time. There is no proof and he’s never done anything like this before. I know he’s good friends with this woman. I know her and have met her a few times and can’t see her being the type of person he would go for but now it’s got me questioning everything. He denies it and is pulling out all the stops to show me how much he loves me and would never do this. I’ve spoken to her and she denied it too. I know they meet for coffee sometimes and I’ve never had a problem with it until now as he’s always been very open about her. I don’t know what to do
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2024): If they both deny it then maybe there's nothing in it. But why are they meeting up without you? Maybe that's the question to ask them. Also, who is the person who told you and have they an agenda? Could you invite the woman to your home and see what they're like in front of you?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2024): I agree with the first two posters.
Do your trust your husband or not? Why aren't you going out with your husband and this women for a coffee?
Two women I know, so called "friends" (one of them for over 20 years!) tried to get my husband's attention, so to speak. They were not interested in him per se, they just wanted to see if they could get him to become interested in them. One "episode I have even witnessed with my own eyes, and while my husband told me about it immediately, the friend pretended she didn't know what I was talking about. I ended our friendship NOT because of that, but because of her general selfishness. She is a full blown narcissist. A bloodsucking vampire. later I learned that she almost managed to break her best friend's marriage, because she was always asking this friend for help and his wife had to put her foot down. She wasn't in love with him, she just needed a servant and he was feeling so good that he could be of use. He's almost 50, still alone and had a kid via sperm donor two years ago, because she didn't want to grow old alone. That kind of selfish is rarely seen. Had she found a man according to herstandards who didn't want kids, she wouldn't want them either.
The other one has a diagnosed borderline personality disorder. My husband came home one day, she used to be our neighbor as well, and said that he felt really uncomfortable, when this neighbor came into our garage inappropriately dressed and started complimenting him for every single little thing. To cut this behavior, he said he had an urgent phone call to make. He then called me (I didn't hear the phone), left me the message in our mother language basically explaining what was going on at the moment and asking me to come over. We were able to laugh about it later. But, I knew how desperate she could get when depressed, anxious... about work or men. In this particular case, her boyfriend had just dumped her and she needed the attention.
I would lay off and ask my husband to go out from time to time with them. It is a perfectly normal thing!
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (13 March 2024):
 I think that until you come across solid concrete evidence that he is cheating I would be inclined to take third party gossip with a pinch of salt.
You already know he goes for a coffee with this woman, which is where this third party has seen them, which your already aware of.
Sometimes this sort of gossip is more trouble than its works and these people can often stir up an unnecessary hornets nest.
He has been very open about her, not hid her away for you to find about further down the line.
I would not go looking for signs he is cheating because you will drive yourself up the wall.
I would be inclined to keep going as your going and tell this third party to stop spreading unwanted gossip.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 March 2024):
 I guess it comes down to trust.
Do you trust your husband? Or your friend more?
I think you jumped the gun (unfortunately) by accusing him without any evidence.
If I were you, I would pull back with the accusations and pay closer attention to your husband.
Does he "guard" his phone? Does he take extra effort in grooming when having coffee with this friend?
You know him best, DO you think it's possible that he could be cheating?
What would your friend get out of "breaking your heart"? where did she get all this information? Did ANYONE take any pics? (I mean EVERYONE has a cell phone these days).
Can you afford to pay someone to look into them?
It is possible that he is cheating, it's ALSO possible that he is not.
The BIGGEST and MOST important question is this:"
What WOULD you choose to do if he IS cheating?"
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