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female
,
anonymous
writes: Dear readerI had an affair with a guy a few years ago. My boyfriend at the time was cut up over it, so I justified what I did by staying with the guy I had the affair with. We ended up having a child together. He is very bitter at life and never treated me very well. When I got pregnant he drank a lot etc. I may have been prepared to stay with him if he treated me well, but he has not. The problem is, over the past few years, I have thought about my ex a lot and wonder, did I make a mistake in leaving him for this other man? The only thing that has come out of the is my child and the fact that my ex is a changed man.I know he only waiting for me and my boyfriend to finish so that we can try again.I'm so confused. I'm not very happy with my boyfriend and my ex is a really nice person. The only problem I had with him was the fact that he was not working and I could not see us going very far. We were together for six years. I do miss him. He was my boyfriend and a really good friend. He said that our break up has taught him a lot. What should I do? I am concerned for my child and our future. Thank you for reading my letter and I look forward to some advice. I'm with my present boyfriend three years.from a troubled girl
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female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (6 August 2005):
Without sounding cliched, "the grass is always greener". Yes, your ex has moved on. He must have been awfully hurt by your behaviour. A wronged party will often compensate for their loss by showing their ex just how successul, pretty etc they can be following the demise of the relationship. Obviously your leaving has been the catalyst for his changes.
However, I do not think that feelings for your ex are truly honourable. You are currently in a troubled situation with your partner, and I suspect that he is not providing you or your child with the support that you need. Fantasising about what might have been with your ex boyfriend is pure escapism from the current troubles you are facing. Obviously there was something lacking between you and your ex, which is precisely why you looked elsewhere and eventually broke off the relationship. Sadly, if you were to return to your ex, you would still have that unfulfilled urge within you, and would only break his heart again.
I do not know what the current problems are between you and your current partner, however if possible you should talk together to see if something can be worked out. After all, you have a child together, and you cannot simply go running into the nearest man's arms with a chequebook every time you have difficulties in your life.
If the problems are irreconcilable, then you need to consider what is the best course of action is for yours and your child's welfare. The answers may not lie with either of these men, or any man for that matter. The comfort and stability you crave lies within yourself. I hope you find it.
All the best
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