A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is 38 and a virgin. I'm 35 and we've been dating for almost three years. I've been married once before and have 2 children. I don't expect my boyfriend to have sex with me but he won't finger me or go down on me. I pleasure him in every way except normal sex. He asks me to give him head, which I do, but he never returns the favor. Ever. He says he doesn't know if he can stop it if he touches me. What should I do? I'm so frustrated. I could get it elsewhere but I don't. I want him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 March 2013):
 OP thank you for your follow up… He has never touched your genitals but expects you to service his? His excuse is a crock since if he can’t stop you would finish him with a blow job. THREE YEARS you have done this?I do not advocate tit for tat in most sexual aspects (i.e. give blow jobs only to get oral done for you or vice versa) BUT in YOUR CASE, I’m going to recommend it.Personally I think once you stop giving him blow jobs and hand jobs, you will find out the real man you are with… either he steps up to the plate and gives and good as he gets or I’m betting that he’ll pick fights and blame it on you and that the relationship will end.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 March 2013):
 You giving him an orgasm *is* sex. He *is* selfish.
Don't touch him again until he can reciprocate. If he doesn't believe in premarital sex, why hasn't he married you yet? Many religions who preach against premarital sex often see quick marriages because of it. Two of my own friends married within 6 months of beginning a dating relationship for just that reason. One is divorced, the other is married 20 years this year with three kids.
Your guy is selfish with anxiety issues/female body issues that he chooses to indulge rather than address. His whole "I won't stop" is a big fat lie, because he already receives release through you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): Oh I see, he's against premarital sex but not against you pleasuring him and uses the excuse that he might get carried away if he ever gets near your vagina?
Oh come on OP, what the fuck is that all about? Even a teenager wouldn't attempt an excuse as utterly contemptible and stupid as that.
Give him nothing more sexually and tell him you're leaving him because he won't sexually pleasure you and see what he says.
If he doesn't step up, you walk. It's not an ultimatum either OP because you really should be leaving.
Love is not enough to cover for the fact he does not want to pleasure you, ever. He will make every excuse not to too. I mean for fuck sake, is he really that much of a pussy that the sight of a pussy will drive him to go against his beliefs? No, he's a selfish liar.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is against premarital sex, yes. On the other hand he thinks its ok to have oral sex or pleasure by hand. I'm not trying to push him into sex but I would like some sort of touch. He's never once touched me down there. I'm a very sexual woman and am a little aggressive sometimes. I love him but don't want to be with a selfish man.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (17 March 2013):
 He has issues, you cannot solve these issues. You are his girlfriend not his therapist. So get him some professional help. It's not normal to have that reaction to sex at his age. Good luck, and don't take his behaviour personally.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): "He says he doesn't know if he can stop it if he touches me."
What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Is he staying a virgin for a reason and he won't pleasure you because it'll make him have sex?
OP he's not going to sexually please you because he doesn't want to. You either have to accept that or move on. 3 years is enough time for you to have figured this out OP, he's just not interested in keeping you sexually satisfied.
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