A
female
age
36-40,
*eaufab
writes:My boyfriend and i have been seeing each other for nearly a year now and we really love each other. The problem is that we havent been honest with my parent in terms of his age and the fact that he has 2 kids. He is 37 and i am 22. ive become very close with his family and his mom dont have a problem with us dating but now my parents found out from a friend of their's (who dont really know my boyfriend) that he has 3 kids but its only two. Where do i go from here? i really love him and dont want to lose him and he told me that he'd like to marry me one day. but my parents dont agree with the relationship because he has kids. what should i do. please help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Mercedes511  +, writes (29 April 2010):
Hey there, you and I share the same relationship style. Well my boyfriend is 12 years older than me. And he has two little girls. I am 21 years old and you are 22 years old. Ok, first thing is first. You are pretty grown to go on about who it is your dating. Also age truly should not be an issue because it is not. When you love someone, you fucking LOVE them lol you know. If you have a connection with this person, and he gives you that feeling that you know you love and makes you feel like your made out of diamonds, so let it be. My soon to be husband is not all that attractive and he is not my age but when I am away from him I feel sick. Because he gives me a feeling that I never felt before. Ok, the children part; he has kids with another woman but that does not mean he is with her, he is obviously with me, he lives with me. If your willing to deal with the kids which is not that bad its really cute by the way, willing to fight for and with him to be with him and conquer the world with him, go for it. Dont stop yourself from what you know makes you happy. Those against it dont know what you feel. And he wants to marry you, thats fucking beautiful. Anyways i say age doesnt really matter and your not gonna really find someone your age like your man, youll end up babysitting. If you can truly see yourself with this man happy and at ease stay with him, Your parents would eventually get over it and realize he is a good person.
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reader, georgina1990  +, writes (9 September 2009):
hi my name is georgina i am 18 ears old and met my boyfrend jamie last year. he has 2 boys and i have never felt so in love with anyone its amazing he is the nicest person i could ever meet and all my family was worried to begin with but as they began to meet him they liked him and now love him as much as me. they stilll have their doubts and worries but thats family for you they will always worry as for women saying about their boyfriends children put yourself in their shoes of course chidren do come first i am 18 my noyfriend is 33 i have accepted that his ex partner will always be in our lives and so will the children he looves his children with all his heart and for me that is a true fther and a true loving man!if he only cared about me i would be worried i would never want him to put me befre his chldren i often worry that i may be affeting his relashionship with them but he tells me that he cant be without me as i cant be without him we are still taking things slow as it should be in any relashinship. he has told his ex about me and said that he wants to introduce me to the children i would rather that she is comfertable and that the childrenn are also comfertable i would never cme between him and his children and for all the women on here who thing they shoulld be put befre them then it is sad because when you become a parent its an unbreakable bond and nothing will change it. i love him with all my heart and looking forward to our lives together. not only do we have an age gap but he also lives 3 hours away frm me so if we can make it work and still be adly in love then i cant see how it can get worse. he is the lov of my life and always wll be to me appearnce doesnt matter i am not interseted in money or looks as long as he always loves me and is there for me then thats all i ever need and i beleive that children should come first all you have to think is he has chose to be with you even tho you are younger he chose you!!! no one else that shows how much he lovs you so dont take it for granted and appreciate what you all have and enjyy being with the men that you all fell in love with
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): Hi, I am also in a similar situation I am 22 and my boyfriend is 36. We have been dating for 5 months now and we are deeply in love. On the third month of my relationship I told my parents I was "seeing" a guy. I thought he was 28 since that is what he told me. I told my parents his age and they were okay with me seeing him but were concerned about the stranger I was talking to. unfortunately he lied to me and hid from the fact he had two kids from a previous marriage. I was sooo mad that we seperated and I went to Mexico. Later, he would call me in mexico and said he missed me alot. He told me his past story and how he had been married and never lived with his wife and kids. We have talked about marriage and I tell him to wait for me since I would marry in 5 years after I am done with College. He says he'll wait and would even want to have kids one day. BUT my parents don't know he has TWO kids and i feel they will look down upon this rel. just like they have since the beginning. I say really think about your future and if you will still find him attractive and loving after a few years in to your marriage.
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reader, Sasha1970 +, writes (14 September 2008):
Let me start by saying to those of you that believe children should come first, you are wrong. This way of thinking it what has led to the children of today being spoiled brats. Of course they need to be taken care of but when your life revolves around little Susie and what she wants, get a grip. To those of you in these relationships: GET OUT NOW. I wish to hell I hadn't wasted 12 years of my life on a man who is much older than I am with a few brats who always came before me. Their wants always came before my needs and the needs of our relationship. When we moved in together (yes, I stupidly agreed to do this) his 17 year old daughter wanted to move in as well. I said no. 2 days later he went to get her for a week long visit. She brought all her stuff and moved in. So I got to cook and clean for the lazy little brat. She was supposed to do the dishes. When she "forgot", more often than not, her father made it out to be a joke. All she had to do was say "I'm sorry daddy" and it was cool with him. Of course I'M the one who had to do the dishes. So no responsibilities and a free ride. She felt entitled to use my computers, borrow jewelry...etc. She pretty much did as she pleased. I, however, wasn't allowed to voice any disagreement with her and when I did I was being "mean and hateful". I couldn't use the sound on my computer until after she got up for the day (it might disturb her), though she was allowed to blast her music when I was trying to sleep. You guessed it, if I told her to turn it down I was being mean and intolerant.I was expected to pay 1/2 of all the living expenses.....so in effect, I was half supporting her. When she wanted to go shopping at the mall, he was fine with that....then when his bills were late I had to help him out. But hey she really needed a new outfit (or 6). The concept of her getting a job and earning money was met with a blank stare and him "informing" me that he wanted her to "enjoy her youth". Even after she ran up a $500 cellphone bill, I was supposed to just smile and nod. I let the phone be turned off, then paid the bill and took the other two phones on the account. It was in my name. When the oldest of the two, a 22 year old Marine, decided that when he gets out of the Marines he is moving in as well, I said no. What did my boyfriend say? Yup, "He's my son and if he wants to stay here, fine". So I would then get to cook and clean for him as well? I'm no neat freak but these people are slobs. So it's a LOT of work. I began planning my exit.Our sex life had vanished when the brat moved in. Completely. We never went anywhere as a couple, it always included her. Even when I tried to plan things for evenings I knew she would be gone, he would want to put them off until she could go too. When I explained about wanting couple time, I was told I was mean and selfish. I had become nothing more than a live-in maid that actually paid to cook and clean for them. The night he waited until she went out to a party and said that we could have sex, because we'd be done long before she got home, I called it quits.I told him go "have sex" with his daughter and walked. My best friend had a house for sale, she offered it to me while I looked for another home closer to where I wanted to live. The next morning I called a moving company and got myself and my pomeranian out. I've never been happier. Now when the house is clean it stays that way. I don't have a huge pile of dishes or laundry that constantly needs tending, my clothing, makeup and jewelry is accounted for and best of all is that I no longer life with someone who doesn't value me or my opinion. My life no longer revolves around the brat.I'm now dating a really great guy with NO KIDS. Even the pomeranian likes him!The ex? I'm not sure about. I never looked back. I do know that the only thing left in the house when I finished was a television (36in standard) and a chest of drawers. All other furniture, dishes etc belonged to me and I took it all. The last time I saw the house the chest was in the brats room and the tv was on the floor of the living room. He called a couple of times but I let it go to voice mail. I deleted them without listening to them. That was what was best for me.I have never met anyone in one of these relationships that had it turn out differently. If you are sick of it now, imagine what you will feel like in 5 or 10 years. Get out now.
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reader, Jersy  +, writes (26 July 2008):
hi! there my husband is also 15 yrs older than me. To be honest I feel bored when he does very mature talk and also there is generation gap so all his friends and families are older your age. Even he will die before u.
But, only the case is if u love him really and compromise with each other and have similar interest and ready to play role as a step mum then it's up to u. I am also the sort of person asking other's for suggestion, But now I realise that u put yourself in that situation and decide urself. I also went against my parent's will, which I do regret a lot. But it's up to u. It's ur life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): my boyfriend is 54 and im 24,we have 3 kids together and have been together fo nearly 5 years. some people reacted really shocked when they found out,but my parents saw how happy he made me and he is a brilliant dad.as long as im happy and he provides well for our family i dont see that its anyones buisness.if your parents are a bit funny with you being with an older man then thats there problem. true love dosent come around that often when you find it you shouldnt let it go for anyone. Do you have a relationship with your boyfriends kids? if not try and establish one it will help your parents understand how important your partner is to you.my boyfriend has a daughter the same age as me,trust me dissaprooving parents is nothing compared with a 19 year old daddys girl,she thought it was disgusting,and she still has a problem with it 5 years down the line.If you love him hold on to him,good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): what a coincidence, my boyfriend is also exactly 15 years older than me and with two kids. he did not tell me, i found out myself and broke up with him, i later agreed to a face to face chat and he poure dhis life story out to me with no barriers, i mean alll th emost embarrasing and personal things and told me he was afriad of freaking me out if he had told me earlier ( we only dated for a week when i found out) and he did mention that he had something to say to me but was afriad it would drive me away. anyway point is, i care about this guy and so far he is treating me soo well, does age really matter or that he has kids with someone else? fact is right now, he wants to be with u, and if u can accept him as he is then i dont think anyone else has a say. listen to your heart
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): Ladies,
we will always be second to kids! It is so hard. I fell in love and am also very depressed. Is it worth me feeling this way? He will always put his kids first. Am I just a rebound? A fill in? His kids he only sees one of them, once a year and I do not do well with it. My heart is braking and I can't handle it. He is my best friend. I don't know if U can go on like this. I deserve more than that to be treated as 2nd when she is here. I try so hard. Why? It is a losing battle. Money is another concern- their college, marriage, they are going to get so much. I don't even know if he will have a child with me one day. He will not let me know. So, really he may just be keeping me as long as he can, not fair. He says I am rushing marriage and children. But what he doesn't get is that I do NOT want that yet at all but I definitely do in my future. If he does not then he needs to tell me so I stop falling for him more every day and so we both can move on. I have been with him 2.5 years already, and I love being with him. But do I deserve more than this? He is so sweet, an amazing man. But how much will I be left behind by him wen hes with his children. I am so scared, he is my best friend. I do not want to lose him.
The worst of it. My family finally accepted it. It is cool now. After all I went through with that. They really like him a lot now. And now I realize how much I have gone through for this relationship and his child just made me realize how much more I have to endure. I don't know if I can handle it. I am hurt, no matter what choice I make. Help me
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): I'm in the same situation. I'm 22 and he's 40 with 3 kids. We've been together almost 3 years, very happily =). But now he isn't sure if he wants more children and I love him very much but this is a very hard situation to be in. So my advice is to just be aware of what you are getting yourself into and be sure that he is worth it! Good luck!
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reader, beaufab +, writes (16 July 2007):
beaufab is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks eyeswideopen for your answer. ive given lots of thought to what you said and i'm prepared to do it. I told him and he does want a second family and we always compromise on doing things together. For example we might go clubbing or chill and watch a movie at home, depending on the mood. so i'll give it a shot, i can really feel his love! To the anonymous reader...i'd like to thank you for being so honest but my guy is anything but saggy. He looks like a 25year old and judging from the looks he gets from other woman(its very fluttering coz ive got him) i know i've found gold...but his personality makes him so much more attractive. We have such a close bond, it'll be hard to part.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2007): Dont do it!!! I am married right now to an old man. He also had two kids. It is soooooooooooo freaking hard. I am 26 and he is 42...and its fun for the first 3 months after marriage...then puff its crap. He feels like my father, his gray hairy saggy skin turns me off, its mean sounding but true. Please think of all this before you do it. Sorry to be so honest but i really wish someone was honest with me.
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 July 2007):
 I can understand where your parents are coming from but really the only thing that matters is that both of you really love each other. However with such a huge age difference there can problems, like: Do you want children and is he willing to start a second family? Does he like to do the same things that you like to do or do you follow his lead most of the time? Do you realize that when you are a mere 40 he'll be 55?! If you are truly aware of some of the difficulties with an age spread this large and have no qualms about then go for it. Your parents will eventually come around.
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