A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf can be quite bad at communicating. I see him on the weekends only due to work/distance. However during the week we hardly speak. He isnt soneone who likes talking on thr phone - its probably only happened a handful of times in our how relationship! Almost every night during the week, once 5pm comes snd he leaves work, i dont hear from him. He saya he leaves his phone off or in his bag. His job isnt one that requires him to be on the phone all the time or always called. There are a couple of messages through out the say but some days there can be none. It can be days before i hear from him. Ive texted him but just wait and wait for a reaponse. What really bugs me is that i can wait day or two to hear back from him but if i take an hour or less i get 20 questions. It happened again the other day. I was unwell and went home from work and went to bed to sleep it off and i had 5 texts and two missed calls ranging from "where r u" to "why r u ignoring me" to "what have i done". We were going out a few weeks back and he picked me up. I usually hear his car but this time i didnt soI didnt know he was there and he texted me he was. When i came out ( he waited like 2 mjnutes!) he asks me who i have hiding in my house. I dont get it. He isnt a jealpus type. He isnt cheating. Why is it ok for him to basically ignore me for hours ( i am talking about beyond 12 hrs during the day) but its not ok if i dont respond instantly to him! I am getting tired of it. Whats a way to fix it? Do i just make him wait lkke i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2013): I'm going to put it to you straight. You have a tool on your hands, and you describe the worse behavior any man can display. I use the noun "man" loosely. We at least know his gender is male.
He is controlling, disrespectful, and shows up when the hell he feels like it. Then he treats you like an idiot.
Listen up, girlfriend. Exactly what do you see in that piece of sh*t? Oh, sorry...you hardly see him. Let's rephrase the question.
What's wrong with you?
He doesn't like calling. His phone is shutoff most of the time. You live distant because of work? He comes to see you when he wants sex. That's the only time he wants to hear from you. When he shows up.
You may not know it. You're probably girl number-two. Perhaps, number three. You're not at the top of his list.
You claim he isn't cheating. He has a lot of time to do it. He might as well. He sure isn't spending too much time or money on you. When he is there, he wipes his feet on you. You seem not to care.
You wrote the post about response time? You don't see anything wrong with having limited phone-access? Let alone his reaction when you don't answer.
Most self-respecting females would have sent that asshole walking long ago. No phone, no girlfriend.
There must be some benefit. Does he pay your bills, or buy you expensive jewelry, have a magic penis? WHAT!!!???
Do you feel you can't do better? Anyone could do better.
Sweetheart, the man doesn't treat you well. You allow him to do it, then complain about it.
Your door locks from the inside. That means, if you decide you don't want him in, he can't come in.
Too many women think having a total asshole is better than no man at all. Are you that desperate?
I have to be tough. Reading what you wrote about him, pissed me off. I hate to see people treated that way.
It makes me feel more concerned that you allow it. I can't imagine what it would take for him to piss you off enough to kick his sorry ass to the curb. Are you afraid of him?
Will he bully you? Are you addicted to him sexually?
Things are only going to get worse; because he knows he can treat you like trash, and it's okay. He doesn't think you're very smart. Don't make him right. Just telling you to dump the jerk isn't enough. Maybe you don't know how a guy should treat you, or you feel he's the best you can do.
If that is the case; then my advice is. Shut up and put up with it. That's what he tells you to do, every-time you allow it to happen.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 September 2013):
 Hold on a second -- you don't hear from him at all after he's off of work, you barely hear from him while he's at work, and you only see him on the weekends?
Not only that, but he's very sensitive about the speed and attentiveness of your response, and even asked you who you were hiding in your house?
How long have you been dating, and what kind of distance are we talking about? Obviously it's not too far away if he's driving to your place every weekend. And that's another thing -- he's always driving to pick YOU up, right? How often do you hang out at HIS place?
I ask this because it SOUNDS like he has another life and has you on the side. You usually see this sort of thing with guys who have wives/live-in or very serious girlfriends in the place they live, yet have weekend girls on the side with made-up stories about business trips told to their main women.
Guys without that problem are very much communicators after hours at home, and the fact that he isn't communicating with you after work is very suspicious. I mean, he's not doing it at ALL, and if he's delaying answering you, it's a good bet he's near someone who would be angry to see him get texts.
His touchiness about YOU responding when he wants you to plays right into it. He communicates with you when it suits him, and to have you delay a response until a time he's not available bugs him.
Time to do some serious research on this guy -- because unless you know for SURE he's single, and I mean you've done a computer background check and all that, this is textbook behavior for a guy who has you for an "on-the-side" woman he's keeping a secret from his regular life.
Have you met his parents? His siblings? His friends? Have you met him at his work? Have you gone out with him in his neighborhood? Are you his "relationship" on his social media like Facebook? Come to think of it, is his family/friends also on his social media? (many guys with double lives have a second Facebook account with some friends who aren't on his primary to complete the illusion). Does he lock his cell phone keypad? Do you see him take out his phone quite a bit, look at it and put it away without action, especially if it's a call versus a text? These are important questions to consider.
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