A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Does anyone feel lile their life isnt moving forward ( in their relationship)? And everyone else keeps getting the things you want?Ive been with my bf for over 4 years. There arnt any plans for marriage or children. Heck we dont even live together. I have my own place and he is at home still. I apparently live too far for him to move into ( 20 mins further away from his work). Friends, people i work with, even people i went to school with all seem to be getting married and having kids. Theres been 6 people pregnant at work in two years and two weddings. A friend was engaged after 3 months and pregnant after 4. I know its not a competition and everyone is different but it really feels like im being left behind. We arnt in a position to have a family yet ( i would lile to live together first and be married!) but theres not even a future plan. Nothing for 2,3,4 or 5 years. I tell him that i dot have forever. He jokes that there is "always ivf". Im only a few years away from 30 so its playing on my mind more and more. And seeing it all around me doesnt help. My bf is in his early 30s. Im starting to think he wont change. And im wasting my time or when he is finally wanting to i wont be able to have kids. Some days he wants kids and Others he cant decide. Before us, he was single for two yrs anf before that he was with aGirl for 2 years. He was in his early 20s. I know he was younger but he said once that he was close to getting engaged with her. We have been tgether for four and there doesnt seem to be any commitment. I see him on weekends only! I want to fwel this realationship is going somewhere but It feels like the same thing each week. I dont say too much about this stuff to him- he gets squirmy and all sarcastic. He knows i want those things though. Hell he was the one who asked me on our second date if i wanted those things! I dont know what to do. I love him and want a futurw with him, but i just dont know if he wants those things with me. After four years shouldnt you know? I dont want these things now or in 6 months, just to know that they are possible and we are plannig for a future - anything could distrubt that and it may not go that way but we would at least have goals for the future together. Right now i cant even get him to plan a dinner a week ahead! Any advice would be great.
View related questions:
at work, engaged, I work with, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (7 September 2013):
 Even if he is "squirmy and sarcastic" it is time to have that serious talk. You already know the answer though, he is deflecting because he doesn't want those things. He is perfectly comfortable waiting forever with things exactly as they are, but you want more. So it's really time for you to find someone more in line with your life goals. If after 4 years you are not even comfortable talking about the future, haven't moved in, and he stonewalls you when you bring it up, it's really time to move on.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 September 2013):
If this type of behavior is driving you crazy now, imagine being married to him.
He lives with his parents and doesn't spend very much time with you, and can't commit to dinner, let alone a future with you.
Trust me when I say that love doesn't make a marriage work. Love and compatibility do. I honestly believe it's time to move on.
...............................
|
