A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of just over a year has finished with me for someone else. The woman he has left me for is a drug addict and alcoholic, has had her 3 children taken into care, is dirty, rude, violent, and unemployed living in an extremely run down and messy house on a council estate. I am the complete opposite of her. I work, have my own house and car, have my own money, friends, no children, just the complete opposite of this woman.Yet he tells me he's leaving me and within just one week has moved into her house. Im so shocked that I havent even cried yet. Ive begged him for answers but he wont give me any. As far as I knew, we were getting on fine. He lost his job a couple of months back and I knew that whilst at home he had been smoking the occasional joint. I just cant get my head round why he has left me for someone else and what she has to offer him that I dont? All his friends are gobsmacked and trying to talk sense into him but he doesnt listen to anyone. I cant believe this has happened and I dont know what to do.
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alcoholic, lost his job, money, moved in, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (29 July 2012):
all I can say is although it doesnt feel like it, you had a lucky escape. it sounds as though he could have been experimenting with more drugs than you thought. good luck, you deserve better x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2012): Could this be the woman he's been getting his "Joints" off?
If so, maybe he's in a bit of debt with her and she's blackmailing him. Or maybe he's more addicted to the stuff than you thought he was, and if he's unemployed I assume it would be easier for him to just move in there and get his stuff for free, rather than pay for it.
I can't see any other reason why he would leave you for a woman who is likely just to bring him down in life and be a bad influence on him.
Drug addiction makes people do strange and irrational things, and people are far from thinking clearly when under the influence of drugs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2012): There is a reason he wants to be with her. Like it or not, he is not happy being with you and it will be better for you to accept it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2012): Jeezus H. Christ, you're free of deadbeat druggie loser yet you're bitching and moaning because you have more moochable assets and less freeloadling encumbrances than new shack-up so that makes you better than her and you just can't stand being second best, no matter how dubious "first prize" is.
Typical ego- and vanity-driven needy chick response: the
scumbag whom you should ecstatic walked out the door before you had to throw him out suddenly starts banging a more compatible lowlife before you get yourself laid again and now he's Prince Charming and you can't stand the thought of him dipping his wick into any other random vagina-based life form.
Well, if that logic applies then that means you would sleep with the last dick-based life form on the planet thinking it's because you're better than any other chick, not realizing that you really have the lowest standards.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): My ex boyfriend had left me and went back to his ex-girlfriend junkie! He was always struggling with jobs and on/off with doing drugs.
He had always told me that I was "too good" for him and I had the "perfect life." He was always jealous of me because I had my shit together and he didn't. We weren't compatible.
I figured out that he wanted to be with her because she was a complete mess and she was desperate. This made him feel "better" about himself, trying to take care of her sorry ass...
I think this may be the same situation in your case. Do yourself a favor and say buh-bye to him. You can do much better as I did myself. ;)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (28 July 2012):
 If'n I were you.... I'd heave a big sigh of relief and say, to myself, "Good riddance. Now SHE can live with him... and him with her... and they will have a match made in Heaven."
You - meanwhile - can get on with having a reasonable, decent life....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 July 2012):
 Honestly, GOOD RIDDANCE, honey!!
If that is the kind of woman he wants, let him have her! And for goodness sake if/when he "wakes" up and want to you back, tell him to go jump in a lake.
You can do soooo much better.
Has he ever been into drugs before? Changed radically lately? Could be that is their connection.
Chin up.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (28 July 2012):
 Hi
Right no wonder your in shock.
Look at it from his view, its your house he left I assume,your car,money,job. He has lost his job,his income,probably his pride too.Its a big thing for him.
This woman has no job, she parties, has free time.
He must have known her prior to leaving and known her pretty well, perhaps his drug taking was worse than anyone knew,perhaps he just wants to be with people who are like him now,jobless and listless rather than successful achievers.
Either way I would leave him be, let his friends and family deal with him.Take a step back to sort out your emotions.Dont lend cash or let him have a key.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): Because he's a fecking idiot OP, what more explanation do you need? She's obviously not better than you if even his friends are thinking "WTF?" so what else could it be?
"I dont know what to do."
That's easy OP, you mourn your loss and move on. And you make damned sure the door is closed to him from now on OP, no matter how much you love him you cannot allow him to come crawling back with his tail between his legs when this all goes wrong for him, he's no good for you and he has shown you he doesn't love you. No second chances or that makes you even a bigger fool than him.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 July 2012):
 He may not be into drugs yet. But it is likely that something about this woman fascinates him.
And it may be the drugs.
The odds are that your boyfriend has a secret that he can more easily cope with, when he is with her, and not with you.
It is likely that the drugs are a more attractive to him that your company.
Sadly he has to work this through.
He has made his decision. That is not good for you.
If he comes back to you wanting to borrow money please say no.
You will not be helping him by lending him money
You will only be enabling him and that is not good for him.
Accept that you have lost him.
And sadly, in another 12 months, you may be sad about what he has become.
But you will be relieved that it is not you living with him at that time.
Drugs bring people down to the lowest of levels. And often the person has to get really low before they realise how low they have sunk.
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