A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help. I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half months now. I really like him and he says he really like's me but his complacency towards me is making me miserable. To put things in context - his work is long and stressful and I see him most nights he is free. When he is fun, he is brilliant and I love his company but recently his behaviour suggests that he is completely uninterested in me. I want to say to balance it out that he cooks for me often and is gentle and caring and intelligent - he has lots of lovely qualities. But at the same time here are some examples of the way he is with me: He never texts me or emails me - or responds to my texts or emails. The only texts or phone calls I get are just before he wants to see me and it's always 'you wanna hang out'. This in spite of the fact that he is obsessed with his phone and checks it every 2 minutes. He said he'd call me last week but never did. Then on the weekend without having made any plans with me (like we were going to discuss on friday) - I get a text first thing saying call me when you're up cause i have wheels for the weekend. Conversation is grinding to a halt. He just always seems do completely bored when he's with me that he has nothing to say. (this wasn't how it was when it started at all). Often, we'll just sit there in silence. I try to get a conversation going but I get one word answers. The other week, we sat in a restaurant reading because my attempts at conversation were not working. He doesn't appreciate anything I do. I bought him tickets to the cinema the other week and he didn't even thank me even though he knows I have no money. This after he forgot that he was going to take me out for dinner at the same time (he didn't). Then I paid for us to get into a club. The nest day we go out for lunch he goes to pay and I say I'll give you half later and he says 'ok'... at which point I say to him.... well... actually i did pay for everything yesterday. He says, fine, don't worry about it then.Little acts of complacency... such as.... getting down off a steep rock - he climbs down, walks off and it's left to the guy behind him to help me down. I always make such an effort to look nice for him - he never EVER complements me. I don't think he's once told me that I look nice. We keep on talking about having a weekend away but whenever I try to ask when or where you he like to go he just changes the subject and says he'll have to check his diary. We're supposed to be making a new recipe a month together - when I say, let's do March's in Feb cause I won't see you in March he says - 'so? I'll do in Columbia.' - I say, I thought I was supposed to be part of it - he says 'kind of'. Usually he's pretty thoughtful with sex. The other day he's all over with and I ask if we can do something else and he just lets out this big exasperated sigh. Then realises what he's done and apologises lots and says he's an idiot. I really like him but nowadays he seldom smiles or laughs in my company - I feel like I bore him. I have asked him why - he says he is just tired. But then he recounts nights out of revelry and fun with other friends - I don't feel like a girlfriend. I don't even feel like a friend at the moment. He says I don't bore him - but actually, what difference does it make if he says these things but is so completely in his own world when he's with me? Please help me to save this relationship. I want to make it work but I'm at the end of my tether.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009): Oh my gosh! I am so glad I found you because I have the exact same problem!! I've been seeing my boyfriend for about 3 months, too. Everything was phenomenal at first and then I dont know what happened. Im not the kind of girl that puts up with that kind of stuff so when I feel like this isnt going anywhere I tell him that we should just break up and that gets him really freaked out. He says he doesnt want to lose me and he'll work on it. I lost track of how many times I have tried breaking up with him and still no results! He often misses the point. For example, I ask him to call me after work and he will but he has nothing to say to me. Our converstaions last seconds. He asks how was my day just to get it out of the way. I dont think he really cares... I dont know. I have more to say but I dont want to post it. Can you please email me at [email address blocked]? THANKS!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 November 2009):
He doesnt' seem to appreciate you at all! Why would you want to stay with a guy like this. Read what you've written. He doesn't seem to listen, never seems to respond to you, never calls you, never smiles or laughs, never helps you. The list is endless.
You have two choices. You can try tallking to him and asking him why he seems to disinterested and then tell him how you feel, or you can dump him. I would suggest talking to him first if you can, in case it kicks him into gear. But if he doesn't change, then don't sit around waiting for him to get better. Get a better guy.
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