A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi.me and my boyfriend have been really happy until recently.we had a pretty gd relationship b4 but the only problem was that he never seemed to want to go out with me anywhere.recently my bf has started to ignore me and wen i try to tlk to him he usually ends up ignoring me or saying he has to go.my friend told me he was talking to him one night and my bf conessed tht someone was spreadin rumours tht he was goin to dump me and tht he loves me. my friend told my bf he wud tlk to me and my bf agreed.so my friend told me about this and i brought it up with my bf bt he started to inore me. this happens everytime i try to tlk to him about it.nw im so stubborn and nervous tht i dnt tlk to him either and he confessed to one of my mates tht he wasnt sure if we were still goin out or nt.im really confused and worried and hope u can help.ta x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (13 August 2008):
 Hi, It appears that your boyfriend has a problem sharing his feelings with you, he may be afraid of exposing his vulnerablities to you, because he has a fear of rejection. He also seems to be a little introverted, which means as well, he doesn't or can't communicate well with you or the opposite sex. This will take time, but you have to talk to him and get him in some way to realize, that in order to have a relationship, he is going to have to talk to you, and stop shutting you out. Let him know that just like plants which need sunshine and water, a relationship needs communication and understanding,, to be nurtured. Write him a letter if you must, to get this important conversation going. Write it hard copy in your handwriting. Then send him a card and tell him how you feel about him, and that you think he feels the same, but you need him to tell you. Be a little more affection to him, as he has a deep need to be loved and he is trying to hide it from you, again fear of rejection. Try to understand him, we all come from different backgrounds, some of us have gotten a lot of love and support from our families, and some of us have been neglected, so we have different and varied needs, from the people we eventually partner with. Treat him like a baby chick who needs extra care, as he appears to be a bit fragile. You will be able to bring him out, but it will take patience, if you care, and it seems you do, you will take the time to turn him into a more secure person, and your relationship will grow. Take care, stay in touch.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (13 August 2008):
I don't think guys even know why they act this way. It's fairly common. Just give him his space. Pushing him to give you answers only pushes him away further. You're doing the right thing by not talking to him. He'll come around eventually, you just have to be patient. He doesn't even know if you two are still a couple, and by not hearing from you, he'll start to wonder what you're doing and contact you, and hopefully open up. If he doesn't, then obviously he's someone not worth having in your life.
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