A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together 6 months roughly. We are very happy together and I love him a lot, and I hope to be with him in the long-term.However, a few months ago, he told me he used to have a gambling problem - in his first year of uni he lost all his money bettingon sports matches etc. He told me he wanted to be honest with me, and from then on he's going to stop and he did.This week was the Grand National sporting event that his family bet on every year, so he joined in. This started the betting fever again for him, plus his friend bets and I think that got him excited and made him realise how much he enjoyed betting. So this past week he has bet a lot and lost about £100 (we are students and he already doesn't have a lot of money).I've told him how much it bothers me, but he's still doing it. He said he's going to think about things, but I think he's been enjoying it so much this week that he doesn't have the motivation to stop like he did before. He said he'll consider stopping for me but I don't think he can.What do I do, do I just deal with it and stay with him or should I break up with him?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (20 April 2012):
 Gambling is HIS issue as long as the funds which support him are his or someone ELSE who is in his life.....It becomes YOUR problem if and when you and he get close enough so that you might pool funds to pay your (collective) ways through life AND if you and he are an "item" and he is compromising what YOU expect from a partner (time and attention, for example)......That said... YOU decide how much of this you want to have in your life. If the answer is "little or none".... then dump him.... If the answer is "I'm all right with it as long as it doesn't impact me, directly".... then you can wait and see (where and how things go) if you wish.... If the answer is "I think the whole thing is unacceptable..." then dump him now, and put him behind you, in your life....
A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (20 April 2012):
 Gambling is a massive problem nowadays, purely because firstly, you can pretty much bet on just about anything these days and secondly, you can bet in shops, online and via mobile phone now. It's insane!!
I work for a big name bookies and we have a self-exclusion policy. Customers can self exclude themselves from any number of shops for a period of 6 months minimum to 5 years maximum.
His photograph and details are sent around to the nearby shops so if he tries to bet in a shop that he is self excluded from, the staff can remind him that he is not allowed to be there and ask him to leave.
Sounds ideal right? Problem is he needs to be the one to fill out the form etc, so it has to come from him. Explain all of this to him, see what he thinks.
If he's not prepared to give up for you, then i would leave him before he starts asking to borrow money, or worse, stealing from you to fund his addiction!! Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (20 April 2012):
The thrill of gambling is an addiction like anything else, so you are dealing with someone who has that kind of personality, and if it wasn't gambling it would be something else because that kind of urge to seek out excitment and risk is wired into him.
I personally would have less respect for someone who couldn't give up something that was plainly a bad idea. And therefore it may just be that lack of respect from you to him that will be the sticking point rather than the gambling per se.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2012): I was living with a man (he was my flatmate), and he had a gambling problem, but I didn't know anything about his Gambling until he stole my video camera so he could pawn it to pay for his gambling. Then I found out he wasn't paying his share of the rent when I got an eviction notice. The worst part was because I was on the lease I was legally responsible for what he didn't pay as well. I ended up losing a lot of money because of his gambling and lying. From my experience I would say walk away from him if he is starting gambling again, if he wants to quit gambling, and can prove he is not gambling anymore, you can decide whether your willing to take him back at that point. Whilst he is gambling though, I would leave because it truly can cause you a lot of trouble and can ruin your future. Good Luck
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