A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay i am going to jump into this because i am very concerned with this issue.I have been with my boyfriend J for about six months, we have an amazing relationship but an issue because we cant have sex because he has problems staying hardmy boyfriend is in the army and deploys in about two months, he also has a sexual abuse history seeing his mother being sexually abused and other stories i dont want to get into detail with butwhen we first began to have sex he found it really hard to stay hard and etc but then things changed about three months in and we would have sex all the time as he could stay hard now its back to no sex again and i am really confusedi have asked him if its me or anything im doing and he has told me no and promised he would tell me if it was but its making me very self concious because i play with him and its just not helping, please help if you have any insight
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male
reader, Rushy09  +, writes (25 January 2011):
I used to not be able to keep my erection with my girlfriend but the first time it happend it was because i was nervous, and then the rest of the times it was because i was worrying about it happening again. He just needs to be calm and not be embarrassed about it.
Hope this helps :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey so i am answering a few questions, yeah he is very good about still making sure i have an orgasm which is very nice i know it is most likely to do with his past and deployment but we dont really have time to go to the doctor as he will leave for afghanistan very soon
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): My husband has the same problems alot of the time. When we first started dating (we were like 18) he never had a hard time keeping an erection but he does now. I have found that if I give him a blow job but stop before he comes and then have intercourse it works out real well. I also talked to him and told him that I don't care if we can't finish having sex. I found that he was very embarrassed about it which made the situation worse.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 January 2011):
 My guess would be it's stress related. The previous history is a problem, but one you were getting past. When you add stress (like a pending deployment) it can change the whole dynamic. He will likely have lots of fears that are coming to a head now. Will you cheat on him? Will you be able to handle worrying about him? What if he dies, or is wounded? What is he going to encounter over there? Will he make it home safely?
All these thoughts are going to make things stressful for him. Of course, being a macho guy, he's not going to be able to admit this either. You're in a tough situation. I suggest you be as supportive as possible and try not to take it personally. Does he still try to give you pleasure?
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A
female
reader, LaLaLoo123 +, writes (24 January 2011):
Dont worry, its not you men go through times like this sometimes its normal but maybe if its happening all the time then you should see a doctor because he could have erectile disfunction but honestly im sure its not you so try not to get self concious because things like that happen i hope this has helped
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A
female
reader, Cielito +, writes (24 January 2011):
 what changed between the times when you were happy in sex and when you weren't? it sounds like he saw many things that would seriously change someones idea of sexuality and sensuality.
i am guessing but maybe the hardness of sex might not be the best way of going with this. maybe try out simple erotic and sensual things without anything more.
but all in all it sounds like he was affected by those experiences in the past. can he talk about what effects they have had on him?
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