A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i was with a french man for 8 months. we worked together, and lived in at our job. he had a stressful time here, but stayed because he wanted to be with me. one day, he handed in his notice, tellin me he couldnt work here any more, and as a result was homeless. he has gone back to france to live with his parents, and tells me his parents wont permit him to have me there. i want to be with him and he with me but he see's no solution as work is scarce in france and he fears we will be homeless. i dont know what to do, but i know i have to be with him. im tryin to look for work near him but am failing in findin one. please help! i am distraught without him. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni want to go out there, and work. i think it could be a good opportunity to experience my life as i have no dependants and nothing concrete here. i cant express the situation im in and, whereas people have tried to council me and suggest solutions, they are as perplexed as the next person who tries to suggest something. he travels alot as he does mountainboarding whenever and wherever he can (he often told me it wasnt the mountain boarding opportunities that kept him here, but me), he lives for this, and it was also for this that he left. the job we worked gave him permission to get a second income as he was offered a job at a mountain board centre, where they paid for several courses and tuition fee's for him, supplied his board and paid for numerous demo's from here to belgium. randomly, one day, the authority figure here rota'd him on to work the weekend he was supposed to be completing his first aid for the course, and told him if he didnt work it he would be fired. he agreed to work it as it would mean he wouldn't be able to continue at his second job if he got fired, and from that point, entered into negotiations about his rota. they agreed he would get the days off he needed and yet, 3 months down the line, he has only ever had on sunday off, and so ended up losing his second job as he wasnt available to work it. at this job, he was treated with as little respect as the manager could muster, and to boot, his 'friend' f*!^ed him over in favour of getting rewarded from the manager (which he did, by getting the days off he wanted, working where he wanted and bein able to leave when he felt ready as opposed to when the work was done. this same man and i dont really get on as he lied to several people and i was the one that didnt buy it. from there he went on to tell my bf that he was sending a crazy someone to 'get me' from his 'foreign legion' days- but that is one of many other stories). it was at this that he resigned immediately. since he has been back in france we have spoken several times via msn and webcam, and he tells me he doesnt know why he left. i know he missed his family and friends terribly when he was here (his extremely close friend died there and he was put down to work here on the day of his funeral), and his parents often told him to stay here as there was little or no work in france for him, which i think he took as a rejection of sorts. but there is no way he would come back to work here. if i could have 24 hrs, i might be able to explain in full the reasons and responses, and everything else, i just feel lost where solutions are concerned. i have no money saved up and can get lost in a shopping centre so, whereas i am willing to go, i just dont know how to get started.
i just feel trapped, like there are plenty of ways to be with him, there are just no solutions.
i will try googling it, as you suggested.
thank you
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): anon,
You are in the situation of people who bought shares in a uranium mine in Congo, Argentina, or the Yukon. You havent heard from the promoters and now you want to go visit the mine to check on your investment. Its a classic scam and thousands of people have fallen for it over the last 100 years. If you asked me ahead of time if you should invest I'd say no way.
But for the thousands who have been bilked there are people who have become millionaires because their mine struck it rich. So may thats you. Maybe your situation was real. Will go with that assumption.
You cant survive a trip to the Congo sobbing and clutching your handkerchief. And you wont accomplish your goals by being distraught. You might feel that way. You might be justified in feeling that way. But it is not helpful. You need to be a practical girl now and focused on your goals if you are going to accomplish anything.
If you want to feel depressed or panicy or anxious tell yourself that cant take place expect for one hour a day and at night. Give yourself permission from 8-9pm and no other time.
Other than that you need to plan and work closer to your goal every day. Do you have the right professional clothes? Should you get a babysitting Red Cross certificate? Get some letters of reference prepared. Brush up on your French everyday- you will need to be prepared because an opportunity could pop up at any time.
Type "I want a job in France" into google- there look to be several non-scam sites out there offering community based advice for people trying to do the same thing as you. Anything that is even close to fitting your situation put on your list- can you be a college assistant, can you be a tour guide, could you help with translations? You are only really beaten when you give up.
As long as you keep you attitude positive you will almost certainly find yourself working and living in France soon.
When you get to France go in with your eyes open and see what the situation is with the bf is. Its one thing for him to fool you, but dont fool yourself.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the reply, but its not as simple as you think. i appreciate your response but there is a helluva lot more to this than can be explained on here. the nanny job is a fantastic idea, and it was the job suggestions that i was hopin for when i wrote please help. as for the distraught remark, i cant stress how much this is true. are you telling me you have never felt like there was nothing for you in your current place? never felt the hurt of goin thru a break up? i know i have, and i want to avoid this. i know where he lives, he has disclosed this to me, but i equally have the same fears as he does regarding the no money and no home part of it. i appreciate you takin the time to reply but its not as simple as you think.
regards,
anon
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): Is he also in the witness protection program and his mother is dying of consumption? Because it sounds like you got played by Lance Romance. "i dont know what to do, but i know i have to be with him" This has only happened twice in the history of the planet so it is statistically extremely unlikely that you "have to be with him". "please help"1. Realize that you have been played and dumped with one of the classic kiss off maneuvers when he got bored. You are pineing away for something that wasnt real. Intellectualize this, then internalize it and you will get over it. 2. You will like like ignore advice #1. Fine. We were all young one and our situation was the exception not the rule. First, you need to stop being "distraught"- that is not a practical emotion in this situation. You need to find a low cost way to enable yourself to visit France so you can pop in on your lover whenever you want. Once practical way to do this is to volunteer as a nanny for a couple with children vacationing in France. They will drag you along for a couple of weeks and pay your expenses but you will get a couple of days off in which you can see your young man at home at his best advantage (ha, more likely he has a local gf). This will be temporary, but it will cost you nothing and while you are in France you are like to hear about other live in nanny jobs available. Under no circumstance should you:- think you need to try hard or give more - "show him what he is missing" as your girl friends will advise by going out and doing slutty things and sending him photos- drown your misery in boozy, drugs or random hook ups. When you come out of this in about a year that will just compound your low self esteem when you realize what you have done.
...............................
|
