A
female
age
51-59,
*w1968
writes:Hi, Ive got a niggling problem with my new boyfriend. He has just told me he has been in contact with a woman from a dating site every day for nearly a year, and this weekend he has invited her round to his flat "to show her how he has decorated it" since they have been discussing it online, and to go to a dating site 'event' together at a local pub afterwards. Tonight he said he wants to see her because last time they met she was overweight and has lost 3 stones since he has been prompting her to lose weight on their daily chit chats; so he wants to see how this has improved her appearance. Originally he said it would be ok for me to come along to both the flat while she is there and to the event, but is now saying "you need to trust me and if you feel you cant we shouldnt be together" and "if you really feel you HAVE to be there, but she will think youre very distrusting person" and generally making me feel very unwelcome. It has really upset me but he says they are "only friends" and that Im being silly. Weve only been seeing other for about 5 weeksWhat do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): Indeedy Fade,
If you was originally invited along, and now the invitation has been withdrawn, this would make me feel very nervous. It's not that I don't trust your boyfriend, but why should he and her not want you along. What is so secret, surely a woman would be glad to meet her new friends, lovely girlfriend. I trust him honeypie, but I don't trust her. Yes she may have issues, yes she may be nervous and embarrassed to share her secrets with you. But surely she would like to meet you, as you are an important part of his life?
I've met uncles on line, and if I was to meet them in real life, it would be lovely to meet their wives and girlfriends too. She's lost weight, she's interested for him to see her. I would be nervous of this lady and her new slim body too.
It's only a 5 week relationship babes. It's easy to walk away over this issue. I would explain to him again my concern. Tell him that I'm worried that if he sees this lady alone, it might give her the wrong impression, and she might feel that he is available. It's not a question of trust, but you need to make sure that she understands he is part of a couple. Ask if it is possible for you to at least meet at the flat for drinks with her. If he says no, explain that you will also make online friends with men on dating sites, you will arrange to go to a "fun" dating session, and you will not invite him, because of "course he should trust you" and relationships should be equal in each and every way. You too will get your "secret friends" so that you won't feel the need to intrude on him and his friends.
A
female
reader, BlueAngel..x +, writes (24 October 2008):
 This is pathetic and i think you have a perfectly reasonable reason to be feeling like this. If he is now in a relationship with you, why does your boyfriend think he has the right to invite over some woman from a DATING site?! If he has been speaking to her this long, there must be some type of interest somewhere along the line. 5 weeks into a relationship and stuff like this is already happening? Not worth the hassle honey. Have it out with him or simply chuck him. Plus why does he say "she will think you are a very distrusting person"? As if you are expected to impress this woman?! Why des it matter what she thinks of you?! Men like this drive me crazy. Sorry but i think you're wasting your time. There's far better men out there. Good Luck xx
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