A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year, and he still hasn't been able to give me an orgasm. This is nothing new, as I've never achieved an orgasm with anybody (but myself). Other than that we have a great sex life. We experiment with loads of positions, give eachother oral (he gets more than me, though), and we do the deed almost every day, sometimes with multiple sessions. I love having sex with him, but lately I've been feeling a bit taken for granted, as he gets off every time, and I'll lay there still frustrated and horny. The first couple of months we were together he really did try to make me cum, even after he'd finished, and came really close a few times. But I noticed a couple of months ago that he's almost completely stopped, and will only spend a few minutes fingering me or giving me oral before intercourse. One night recently, after I'd given him a blowjob, I told him it was his turn to make me cum. His response was "I can't. I've tried, I can't make you cum." I was taken aback, and later addressed the issue, telling him how it made me feel, and that I like to have orgasms too, and he just needs to put some more time into it, as I did with him. This only angered him, and he stormed out of my room, and we haven't spoken about it since, nor has anything changed. I understand that he might be self-conscious about it, since I really can't see him being that selfish, but when it comes to anything critical of him, he doesn't want to listen. If anyone out there can advise me on how to approach him and what I should say, I would really appreciate it!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, PHOBIA MAN +, writes (5 January 2009):
do what the Duck says, he's bang on the money, your guy's ego has taken a knock, so build his confidence by telling him (while doing)what feels nice "i love it when you do that"
I feel you might be a little self conscious about letting him 'see you' are you body conscious?or just a bit thingy about the whole 'masterbating in front of him' thing?
just bear in mind that he may be thinking "she doesn't need me for orgasms, so why try" convince him you do!
"sure I can make myself come, but I REALLY want YOU to"
build his confidence by using the tip of his penis to masterbate with, to orgasm, then thank him for it! use his finger to masterbate and thank him, get it?
All the women mags will say confront him about it, but this is a sure way to wreck his confidence and fire up his male ego anger (we are hard wired this way)
One approach is to get yourself very sexually 'worked up' with a little abstainance (go without for a time) you may be ready to explode with his touch, it's a thought!
resentment is like a weed, leave it to grow and soon it will be too big to tackle, nip it in the bud!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): Thanks qcumbr1, I have tried that before and for some reason it makes me feel really self-conscious, which tends to make all good feelings down there vanish...But I will try again. Also, he does know how to touch me for the most part, it's just that he gives up after only a few minutes. I can bring myself off that fast, but it took a lot of practice in the beginning, and that's what I can't get him to do!
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