A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend stays very close with at least three of his ex-girlfriends. We met over a year ago and got close through email, etc while he was out of the country. During that time, he had a girlfriend that he told me was basically on the outs with but never actually got the chance to formally break it off. When he returned about five months ago, he broke up with her for me. Before that time, he was, at least physically, pretty honorable, although it was certainly emotional infidelity to some extent. Now, she has started contacting him again. He talks to her frequently, has met up with her for lunch twice recently. He always tells me about it. Doesn't hide it. She sends him gifts. She does not know about me and he won't let me come to events where their mutual friends will be. He says this is because she has mental health problems and he fears for her safety if she finds out. His most significant ex he is even more close with. He stays at her house about half of the week. She lives two hours away but is the mother of a two year old child he is helping to raise. This part is complicated, but if you know the back story seems understandable. He loves the child and is the only father figure he has. It is not his child, but they owned a home together where she lived when the child was born. When he stays there, he rarely answers calls from me, often "falls asleep early" with the little boy. I have not met the little guy, although I have seen countless pictures. He is also very close with her. They are good friends. They talk every day. About the child he says, but thats not totally true. He is a huge support for her, and I believe she is for him as well. When I am with him and he speaks to her on the phone, I have to be quiet. He says this is because she would freak out about me being in the house and then he would have to deal with her and fight with her. They have been broken up for three years.The third ex is his first love. She lives 3000 miles away but they text daily and chat. They talk on the phone about once a week. Email each other, send pictures. He will show me the messages when I ask, but mostly is very protective of his phone. Even takes it in the bathroom with him when he showers. I only really found out their relationship was so close because I happened upon some emails where she was very inappropriate, calling him her long distance lover, etc. She continues to be inappropriate, saying how she misses him and how great they would be together. He claims he has let her know that she is being inappropriate and he is with me. But it seems that he still feeds into it. He tells me they have maintained the long distance friendship for years, through two past girlfriends. But one of her texts said that they had only begun heavy contact a few months ago. He claims that their level of contact goes up and down through the years. He refused to do facebook.Is this normal? There seem to be explanations for everything, and he at least presents as being very open and forthcoming with this information. Still, I can't seem to shake the feeling that I am being deceived. The strange thing is that he is really into me and spends a lot of time with me. If he were really running all these schemes, why would he be so awesome with me? I can't wrap my head around it. I want so badly to trust him. If he is being totally honest and honorable, how do I shake this feeling? What can help?
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broke up, ex girlfriend, facebook, his ex, infidelity, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): I wouldn't put up with that bulll*hit why are you letting him?!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): I only read the first 1/4 of this because it was just waaaaaay too much drama. I'm serious..reading just that little bit drained me.. I'm serious.
Please Sweet Heart, sever first act and invest in a real man and not a drag/drama/stage queen. His is truly nothing more than an undeniable burdensome piece of hassle. Put on your dancing shoes Sweetie, and do the hustle.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): Simple. He is a wimaniser. He chooses to spend time with you because you accept his behaviour. You need to work on why you are in such obvious denial and what makes you so accepting of believing a man who is so obviously taking you for a ride. I would see this as a red flag for the choices you are making in men. I would also get tested for STD's.
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