A
female
age
36-40,
*ez7
writes:At the beginning of my relationship i made it clear i had no plans for children in my life, not because i dont like them but because i want to keep my freedom etc and not go through pregnancy in general. My boyfriend said he did not mind either way.However along the way it was mentioned as with any relationship, like names, boy or girl etc. I dont know if that talk made it real or made us both reconsider having kids for a moment, i dont know but last night he called me to have a chat and it came up. It turns out he now wants children and marriage (i dont mind marriage but i would want to be with someone for a very long time before jumping in) But i still dont want kids. I feel like i really hurt him, or lead him on im not sure but i feel terrible, like he resents me now? he says he's ok, just that he thought there was always a possibility of kids, but he seems a little off? i love him so very much and im scared he doesnt want me anymore? i understand of course that this might be a deal breaker, i just dont want to lose him though.What can i say to apologise or make him understand?
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (24 May 2013):
 You made it clear from the beginning that you didn’t want children so that’s not leading anyone on. As you noted in a relationship things can and do change. But from your perspective you have remained the same on this topic and he has not… He’s now growing in a different direction than you :(Perhaps if he is a keeper, a good man you could try and address your fears for not wanting children? I understand this barrier for the sake of freedom, not jumping in for a very long time and pregnancy in general. Some of us are not maternally wired yet we like still like children marriage etc… Therefore my thinking is; there’s maybe another reason other than you valuing your freedom to think like this? Sadly he’s been given a reality check with your stance on this topic and is now licking the wounds… That is his hope and possibility for a future with you. He obviously sees you as someone special and potentially a great mother one day even if you don’t see it!?Talk with him again and perhaps ask; is that how he potentially sees you or if it’s something he’s dreaming or hoping for in you. Take Care – CAA
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (22 May 2013):
 All you can do is sit down with him.... look at all the details, and make an informed decision....
"Sounds" like this is the "decision": You would like to be married, but don't want to spawn and raise children. He also wants to be married.. but wants to have kids...
Decision: Which will it be? You (and he) should be prepared to part ways if you (both) can't live with the other's position..
Good luck...
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