A
female
age
36-40,
*eelinglostandlow
writes:Please help, im feeling really lost and starting to doubt myself. So been with my o/h for two years, prior to getting together we had been really close friends for about 13 years. We had been amazing for a while, but for about 6 months he has been looking at so much porn and naked women on line. He says he loves me and does it out of boredom. He also says that I knew what I was getting into when I got with him. He cheated on his ex 6 times and with one of them for a year, it sounds like hes a player but his relationship was very unhappy, he stayed with her as she got pregnant of what was supposed to be a one night thing, and she was scarilly clingy, verging on stalker, he tried to do the honourable thing and stay with her for his child but left her as she poisoned him, truth as I visited him in the hospital after she did it, and she gloats about it too. He's recently been saying things about a 2 year itch and im sooo worried hes had enough of me. He does do really nice things like improptu foot rubs and compliments me,we do still have a good sex life and experiment too, so I try not to be boring. I just feel like im not enough for him and im scared that one day the porn won't be enough and ill end up being the dumped ;(
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2015): OP, I might add that his remarks about feeling an urge to move-on, coincides with your post about his porn. You've made your feelings known about his porn-habit; and he issued a warning, to put you in your place. Defend him if you like, I still think he's a dick. A six-time cheat has no conscience; and they don't give a rat's ass about kids. You're rewriting the script to make him look better; only to justify why you want to keep him. When he's done with you, you'll be as pathetic as the other woman he trashed and left with a child.
What you've described of her, is what he did to her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2015): You're very protective of him. Two bad he has the "two-year itch!"
Apparently your devotion to him isn't registering; and he's planning his getaway before you start expecting the same things the clingy-stalker lady wants. If the child is so poorly cared for; then why doesn't he challenge her mother for full custodial and paternal-rights? A good father would.
I feel your opinion of her is totally biased; and you're too infatuated with this guy to see his faults. The only thing that got to you is when he mentioned his two-year itch. Which means he wants to dump you, her, and his kid. Guys that say that sort a thing mean they have itchy feet and they're ready to walk. Wait and see.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 June 2015):
 OP your update says Nothing to address anything other than the bad care that your boyfriend's child is getting. How does her mothering have anything to do with your relationship?
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female
reader, feelinglostandlow +, writes (23 June 2015):
feelinglostandlow is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI knew I had painted him badly, the ex thing first- she was genuinely scary, before she found out that she were pregnant she would turn up to his work unannounced, she would magically turn up outside his house at demented o'clock at night. And she even turned up at my house a few times too, then around oooh 3 ish months later she announced to the world, on Facebook! That they were having a kid and they're the happiest family, he was at my house when he saw the tagged post and found out about it himself, you cannot fake the shock, shakes and tears he had. Now regarding his child, he is a devoted parent talks to her every day, sees her every three days, we take her away with us and my children on holiday, take her horse riding and pay over the odds in child support, not to mention that he pays extra because every time he sees her she's filthy and her clothes are a mess, to the point that she's showered as soon as she arrives new clothes on and sent him with toiletries and clothes, but no change. The ex says the only way that will change is if hes with them at home together. So please tell me if you too would be like that as a single mum, I've been there and I certainly was not.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 June 2015):
 If he's been with lots of women and had done a lot, then it would be hard for him to get hard for the same woman after years, and be satisfied. His player ways and women throwing themselves at him had spoiled him. He has a pattern of looking elsewhere just as easy as switching TV channels.
I would assume that when he talked about the 2 year itch he's being honest and not with the intention to make you feel insecure, and to step up your game if you don't want to lose him. Either way I totally get why you would be insecure. Even the perfect woman with great virtues would not be able to keep him. I know he offers you a great challenge to prove that you are the exception, and you are immune to making him bored. I think it's a lose lose game and he doesn't sound like the long term type. Excitement has its own place but not for the price of your sanity. Don't think of it as you being inadequate, think of him as being wired for serial monogamy, only to be enjoyed briefly.
Can someone love even when they are cheating? They can say so but my own opinion says no. I know there are limitations to monogamy. I read stuff about how we are all supposed to be promiscuous but here I still say when you love someone you don't cheat on them or fantasize having sex with other people.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2015): With a history like you described; how did you figure him to be boyfriend-material in the first place? He even reminded you, you knew what you were getting into. Which adds teeth to my opinion. You knew exactly what he was when you were friends for 13 years. He cheated on his ex? SIX TIMES?!!! Is there a good reason for cheating? Excuse me?!!
I'd probably be a clingy-stalker too, if I were a single-mother some guy ditched with a kid. He tried to do the honorable thing? Did that include walking out on his kid?
Seriously?!! The honorable thing, is to be a loving and hands-on father; and to pay his child support. You can put down the other woman if you like. Place yourself in her shoes; you'll know how she feels soon enough.
His "two-year itch" is a blessing in disguise. You're wasting your time on your recycled-lover. Some other woman's hand-me-down reject. There's more to a good relationship than foot-rubs! He's got his porn to keep him company; until you decide enough is enough. Good-sex can be had with a total stranger. It's not enough to keep a relationship together. Apparently!
Why don't you beat him to the punch and kick him out?
If he's not happy where he is, and isn't offering you anything to look forward to; what the heck are YOU "clinging" to?
I think his ass should bounce hard on the curb a few times as he rolls down the street; when he is forcefully-ejected from the front-door. With all his belongings in garbage bags rolling behind him! I'd be happy to give him the boot for you; but I think you should have that pleasure. That was a most insensitive and hurtful thing to say to someone who cares about you.
He's getting an itch? Maybe from fleas! Better get yourself checked!
Well, you've been forewarned!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 June 2015):
He has a history of cheating.
do you trust him? if not, then you will never be happy in this relationship.
2 yr itch? does not exist. even the 7 yr itch is a bit of a fallacy...
he gives you foot rubs
you have sex
he compliments you
what else is good about this?
what is bad.
make a list of good things in one column and bad things in another column and then figure out from there if a man that is proven to lie and cheat is what you want.
esp since he seems to be setting you up to accept that he's going to cheat.
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