A
female
age
,
*pritensassy
writes:My man and I live together and have had a long term relationship. He started viewing nsfw pictures and saving them to his computer from a social site we both belong to. He promised he would stop but I found out he is doing it again. Sometimes when I am here sitting across the room.. He thinks I am over reacting when I said I would move out if it continued. Am I just insecure or is he being disrespectful?
View related questions:
insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2015): Don't issue ultimatums; then back-down, or you wont be taken seriously.
He's a grown-man, and he can keep whatever pictures he likes. You have little say about that. He isn't your husband. One thing you know for certain; he doesn't respect your relationship, and seems unfazed by your idle-threats. If you've used that same old threat again and again, and you haven't moved; he will ignore it as just nagging and complaining.
Who's house is it? His or yours? Do you share an apartment?
Are both your names on the lease? If you want to make a dramatic move, and you're renting. Wait until the lease is up, and go.
Leave him holding the bag. Save your money for a deposit on a new place, stay within your financial means; and move out. You're not his mother, nor the picture police. You can't tell him what pictures he can't have. What may seem inappropriate to you; may not be by his personal standards.
If you're both in the same age-group, it is most probable he is very set in his ways. He will agree to anything, just to shut you up. So if you're going to keep him around, and just nag about the things he does you don't like; you're wasting your time. If you don't like it, move. You've been around long enough to know, actions speak louder than words.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 June 2015):
 It's not that you are being insecure or that he's being disrespectful...it's that you two have different ideas of what is acceptable in a relationship.
You can't control what another person does on their own time.
IF you told him you would move out if it continues... then I suggest you start looking for a place now. He does not agree with you that his looking at NSFW pictures is not acceptable in a relationship.
It's a fundamental difference that won't be resolved. Since you ALREADY said you would move out if it continued, then you will lose any and all credibility you had once you find him continuing. All he's going to do is get better at hiding it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 June 2015):
 Well, you said you would move out if it continued. It is continuing, so .....
I do think you have very different ideas about what is acceptable in a longterm relationship. I had an uncle who kept Playboy magazines on the coffee table and in the bathroom. It was really rather freaky to me when I went to visit my aunt and uncle, when I was about 14 years old. My sister who was much younger was really freaked out. I have no idea why my parents thought it would be okay to have this particular aunt and uncle look after us for a weekend.... Maybe they just didn't realize that nudie magazines were all over aunt and uncle's house?
Anyway, you will need to decide if you really can't tolerate this. Obviously he's going to keep doing it despite the promises he made to you. I think for him it's not that big a deal, he just likes looking at those pictures. For you, it feels disrespectful.
Did he just start doing this or has this been something that he's been doing all his life?
I think If I were you I'd decide if it is really a deal breaker-as in you will move out--or if he had some clue he'd not download stuff while you were sitting right there with him. Though that may be part of the fun for him, to get away with it.
If he can't see that downloading stuff he promised he wouldn't, while he sits in the lounge and smiles at you, is disrespectful, well... is he really a keeper?
But don't threaten him that you'll move out unless you really mean it! Do you mean it?
...............................
|
