A
female
age
30-35,
*upermommy91
writes:I need help! I'm a 23 year old female who's catching feelings for her bio cousin. He is 22. We were raised together until about 6, when he was adopted out. I finally found him all these years later on Facebook. So here it is, a year later and we've began talking sexually, and had even planned on doing something next time i go to visit him (he lives 9 hours away). He is married with kids just like i am. At first it was all about sex. We're both pretty decent looking. But now i feel like i may be feeling more.. He says little things about not ever stopping with me and stuff.. But now im scared.. Should i back up and run before its too late? We've already seen way more of each other than any cousin should so it would probably be awkward trying to act like normal family. What should i do??
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female
reader, Help from Lisa  +, writes (29 June 2015):
 I think what 'Supermommy91' is saying, is that her cousin is married, with children, and she is also a mom. It isn't unheard of for people to get feeling for their cousins, and it is even more understandable to get these feeling when she is arguing with her current boyfriend. I don't think it is right for people to be handing out grief when she has came on here to ask for help.
If things aren't going well with your boyfriend, then there are only two options.either talk to him and try not to argue if he starts moaning, or end it. For a start you really don't want your child to grow up around people who are constantly arguing.
and final decision is yours, no one else's.
I hope all goes well
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 June 2015):
 Yes, back up and run before it's too late. You will have to distance yourself from the married man but thankfully he lives a long way away.
How is it that you don't realize that what you are doing with him is an incredibly self-destructive thing?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 June 2015):
 Thanks for the update so here goes: Knock this nonsense off is what you should do and you know it. For crying out loud there are children involved not to mention a wife! (Ignore this and husband!) You know exactly what you should do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2015): And you are receiving advice about "the matter at hand" because in events such as these. No matter how hard you try, kids almost always get stuck in the middle..
As for your initial question. Why does when you were separated have any baring on the situation? I have never grown up with my cousin, we get on well and he's a handsome bloke, so by your apparent logic, that makes him prime dating material?!
But strictly speaking, wake up and smell the coffee, he's your cousin, you would be a social pariah when you're caught. Especially since he's married.
Just don't do it..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2015): Sorry. OP here. I just didnt think about it when i posted it like that i guess. Wish i was trolling but im not. Im just pointing out that my child has nothing to do with this.. He doesnt know anything going on nor does anyone do anything around him.. I was simply asking for advice on the matter at hand.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 June 2015):
 No one is doubting your "supermommy" abilities... Just you common sense.
And YES you WROTE (and I quote)
"He is married with kids just like i am. "
So I guess you are either trolling or changing your story because you are not hearing what you want.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2015): Still, you are in a relationship. And thinking of leaving it so you can bang your cousin still makes me sick. Wake up and smell the coffee. It's wrong on a few levels.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 June 2015):
Sorry, you wrote "He is married with kids just like i am." So you aren't married? And the relationship with him is essentially a lot of arguing? So end the toxic relationship, go on being a super mommy.
And remember that bio cousin is married.
So you are 22-25, and you have a son you are taking care of, living with a man with whom you fight all the time and are getting sexual with a married cousin who lives 9 hours away? Supermommy, you need to focus on getting your shit together and stop picking inappropriate men.
Your cousin is a cheating manipulator who knows he is dealing with someone who is vulnerable... this is not a quality man. There are so many men out there who would be better for you and your son than this guy.
Sorry you are feeling this low that you have to find solace in a married cousin who is getting all sexual with you. But you have to stop this cycle now or your life is going to get extremely complicated.
End the relationship with the current man, it obviously is over. I would advise you to go to thehotline.org and get some help from a local counselor so you can figure out why you keep picking the wrong men!
Your son deserves a happy mother, and happiness will not be found in keeping on with an abusive partner nor will it be found by hooking up with a married cousin who knows how to charm and seduce.
Wake up, supermommy, wake up!
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A
female
reader, Supermommy91 +, writes (22 June 2015):
Supermommy91 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe isnt my HUSBAND.. My child isnt his.. I take care of my son.. Not him.. I am in a relationship.. This man isnt my husband. Just to clarify things. He was a close friend first. And i AM thinking of ending things due to how much we fight. My cousin and i were NOT raised together after the age of 6.. 4 for him. Im not asking what to do with my current relationship with my bf.. But i do appreciate everyones advice so far. It wasnt supposed to get so deep between my cousin and i. He just makes me feel that great feeling my guy never makes me feel. All he does is fight with me. Over wearing anything but pants outside of the house, over wanting to go through everything i have, just alot since day one. And yes, i AM a super mommy
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 June 2015):
Why did you get married if you aren't ready to be faithful? Are you a supermommy, really? Would you want to put your children through a family crisis?
So you have a crush, and it happens to be on your cousin. So what? You made the choice to be married and have children. If your husband was catching feelings for his cousin and was engaging in sexual/emotional cheating, what would you advise him to do? Go for it? Would you tell your husband that it's perfectly okay to ignore his commitment to his family and his vows to his wife in order to get all sexy with someone else? Seriously?
What SHOULD you do? Stop this immediately and figure out why you aren't able to draw boundaries.
What WILL you do? I don't know, what will you do? You seem very focused on looks.... you are young too. Maybe too young to be a reliable mommy just yet. Sad for your children. Ah well. Aim at integrity, end the marriage so you can date freely. Though dating a cousin may cause family strife. Isn't there someone else you can find to date after you end your marriage?
Crushes are part of the human condition, you will have them all your life. It doesn't mean that you get to sext or cheat on your spouse or partner. You just take all that sexual energy you are creating and focus it on your spouse!
Do you really need to ask this question?
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A
female
reader, Help from Lisa +, writes (22 June 2015):
The first thing you need to think about is your family and his family too. If this continues or you do "do stuff" when you next see each other. People will get hurt.
The truth always comes out eventually. Lies always get found out.
I don't see any way around this. The best thing that you can do is stop messaging him in a sexual way.If you think about this fully, do you want to put any one through that? is it worth all the trouble? Will you just end regretting it all?
I hear about these things quite often and they never end well.
I really hope you make the right choice.
Good luck and I really hope this helps you make the right decision
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2015): Not really sure I understand you as a person, so you come across that you think it's ok that you're having an affair because it's your family member who you grew up with so you don't feel guilty about talking to him. Even though your relationship is based around talking about sex and not at all innocent or a type of relationship you should entertain with anyone outside of marriage. I feel a bit sick and I think you should too.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 June 2015):
Cousin or not, you know what you are doing is wrong. HOW would you feel if it was your HUSBAND sexting and having an emotional affair with some other woman? Not good, right? He would be a dog, pond-scum, a cheater..... NEED I say more?
GROW up. If you are not happy in your marriage, fix it or get a divorce, but boinking your cousin is NOT going to fix anything, not even that "itch you want scratched".
Why on EARTH did you let it go so far? Since when is it OK for a WIFE to talk SEXUALLY with another dude? A married dude - a married RELATIVE?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 June 2015):
Knock this nonsense off is what you should do and you know it. For crying out loud there are children involved not to mention a wife and husband! You know exactly what you should do.
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