A
female
age
36-40,
*ichelle87
writes:I need some advice from someone i recently found out that my boyfriend of a year has been cheating on me with his ex wife my heads in bits. We have argued about it and he says he never slept with her he was only helping her out with money but we were never having sex and his boxers were always stained so i know he has he says he loves me and i really love him i just don't know what to do. Iv said that im never going to forget about it but will try and forgive him which will take a long time if i didnt love him then i would of walked but because i love him so much im giving him a 2nd chance its just hard to trust him which he knows and has promised me never to be in contact with her again! When were together its perfect were great we have such a laugh but i cant stop thinking about it. What should i do ????
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ex-wife, his ex, money Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): dont believe that not having sex means cheating. when my so called partner was cheating we had lots.
A
female
reader, Michelle87 +, writes (26 January 2011):
Michelle87 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo i found texts on his phone between him and her that how i found out before i found them i had a idea he was up too something because we wasnt having sex i just didnt want to believe it. But now were ok hes promised to cut all contact with her and have told him if i found out anything else im gone for good hes making an effort with me so if it doesnt work out at least i tryed!! I just love this guy so much but at the same time i cant forget i don't think i ever will iv told him this so i don't think he will but just see how it goes from here .........
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): How did you find out? Is this because you caught him with his stained boxers round his ankles? What position were they in? he was caught red handed wasnt he? As i read it here it looks like he`s cheating simply because you say he is, and what you say may be true,but if he hasnt and youre shouting the odds at him, this 2nd chance may not be something thats in your control. Hint, not forgetting means its being stored for use when its convenient. Not having sex is not linked to your partner cheating,its the biggest myth in the world and it probably originates from married men bullshitting the mistress.
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A
male
reader, Snowshoe  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 The fact is he really may be a good guy. However, a new girlfriend rarely takes precedence over an ex-wife. I would tend to agree with doublejack. While he may be a great fella he doesn't sound 100% over his ex. That doesn't mean he is necessarily cheating. What you may rightly feel is his continued emotional attachment to his past life. Regardless the outcome is the same. You may need to chalk this one up to him needing more time to get over his ex-wife and move on.If he is a decent fella and you do actually mean something to him he will make an effort to get over his ex and you won't have to be around to deal with his wishy washy ways as he finds his center again. I apologize if I sound over harsh I really do hope you are able to work it out in a manner that doesn't see your heart broken.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (25 January 2011):
 The only way to regain your trust, is for him to prove that you can trust him.......simple.
If he can't do that, then he is only going to hurt you further. Make sure he knows this, otherwise he might think he's doing the right things to build the trust, when to you he isn't.
If he does completely break contact with his ex wife, then thank him often for doing what he can to build up your trust, and encourage him to keep doing what he is doing. I wish you all the best :)
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A
male
reader, doublejack  +, writes (25 January 2011):
Trust issues are particularly difficult to conquer. It sounds to me like this guy probably isn't worth the effort. My advice is to let him go and find someone with better character. Best of luck!
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