A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has been acting distant these last 3 weeks but he hasn’t told me why. He is the best boyfriend I’ve had. He told me from the get-go that he didn’t like talking much, yet at the same time he always wanted to sort things out if either of us had a problem unlike my previous boyfriends. We are in a long distance relationship. The last time we saw each other was three weeks ago when he was talking about us seeing each other alot more often prior to moving in together. We have been texting each other alot, but he doesn’t answer my questions. I have tried asking him the same question several times but he just doesn’t answer. I also asked if he wanted to go out over the weekend but he was unwell. I wondered if it was stress since he had his heaviest ever day on Sat in terms of takings. I asked him several times what was wrong with him and again he wouldn’t answer. I will respect his privacy, but it is starting to make me wonder what is wrong if he can’t talk to me. I have started to think maybe he is being unfaithful, but I have no concrete proof of anything. Besides, my parents consider me very neurotic and paranoid at times so it could be this kicking in again.I can only trace his distance down to two things, if indeed it is anything to do with me. Firstly, the last time he came over to my house, my boyfriend unfortunately asked my dad a question which is a very sore point with my dad about property. My dad became quite agressive saying to my boyfriend that he shouldn’t ask him what he should do regarding buying property because he (my dad) has got it all wrong in the past. I was really annoyed with my dad because he was assuming that my boyfriend and i were moving in together (which I had not mentioned to my dad) and i think it was too much pressure on my boyfriend. My boyfriend looked quite startled at my dad’s outburst and about 30 seconds later my boyfriend made his excuses and left.Secondly, and coincidentally an old workmate of mine lives in the same area as my boyfriend and even goes to the same places as him! Anyway, about a month ago, my boyfriend went out for drinks with some of the lads and texted me later that evening that he had seen my old workmate. A few weeks later, my old workmate invited me out and commented that she had seen my boyfriend on the night in question and he was ‘very drunk’. Later that day I texted my boyfriend to tease him about it by saying I had been ‘hearing tales’ about him. He hasn’t tried to find out what these ‘tales’ were, and instead has been very distant. My old manager mentioned that my boyfriend was with a friend who was very lecherous. I knew exactly who she was talking about since he has tried it on with me and about another six girls I am friendly with. I can’t say I am too happy about the situation since if my boyfriend was as drunk as my old workmate says he was then I wonder what influence this lecherous friend of his was having on him. It has not helped that my old workmate told me that her partner had been up to things with a member of staff at this place, and then another male friend of mine confessed that he had kissed another woman whilst very drunk and wanted my advice on what to do. My male friend was mortified at what he had done, stopped as soon as he realised what he was doing, and was torturing himself on whether he should tell his girlfriend or not. Of course, based on what these other men have been doing behind their partner’s backs whilst they have been drinking makes me wonder if my boyfriend could be doing the same thing. I have seen a girl’s name on my boyfriend’s mobile. He has never mentioned this girl before, but it could be one of many work contacts that he has.Any ideas why my boyfriend is acting so distant? Do you think there is anything in what I am saying or am I being paranoid and neurotic as usual? I don’t know what to do.
View related questions:
am I being paranoid, drunk, his ex, long distance, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): Thank you guys for your replies - I am the original poster of the question. You were both so dead on with your replies.
It turns out that my boyfriend was in charge at work while the boss was away and had been putting in extra hours at work. Then he went down with an illness (probably due to overwork).
I phoned him up as I had not heard from him for several days since his illness and was becoming concerned. I think the key to the success of the conversation was that we didn't become too heavy about it all, just treated it like a normal conversation and the upshot of it is he has suggested going out for a meal at the weekend. He said that things would get better soon and he had got lots of things planned for us to do next month.
I feel abit guilty now about the things I was thinking. It had nothing to do with me at all. Like I said, it was me being paranoid again. I need to stop being so neurotic. Funny thing is no-one knows I get paranoid/neurotic apart from my parents since I cover it up.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): hiya, i've also been in a long distant relationship and i must say, my girlfreind was never distant, even when she broke up with me. if he's willing to travel a long way to see you, he definately loves you, alot. If he has been with this other freind whilst drunk, i don't think it's much to worry about because drunkenness does make you do things you wouldn't normally do. if i were you, i'd try to find out what he's like around this person when he's not drunk. you should tell him you're worried about what's happened.to be honest i think it's going to work out fine, just keep as close an eye on him as possible and keep letting him know you love him
...............................
A
male
reader, jonesen12  +, writes (28 May 2008):
hey girl.. with most guys in most cases we are a private species..when we have a problem we dont like to express how we feel especially to our significant other.. we are supposed to be the dominant one.. the one that handles his own problems and when we actually do come across a problem we are distant and try to handle it on our own.. the best advice i can give u is to stay close but dont push to hard... just tell him u are there for him if he needs to talk..and leave it at that..and im sure things will get better.. if all else fails..be upfront with him.. sit him down on a day where u both are clear minded with nothing to do that day other than share your undivided attention and tell him that he has been acting diferent and u are scared.. but only do that when things havent improvedlet me know how it goes and if u have any more quetions dont be afraid to ask me Matt
...............................
|
