A
female
age
36-40,
*ayla_72108
writes:i need help. there are many people on this site who ask this same question: what should i do my boyfriend is controlling i dont have a life. What should i do? But see, my boyfriend of a year and a half is mentally abusive hes selfish, he goes out behind my back, if he tells me i cant go outside of my house, icant go out. im scared that someone will see me and get back to him. he hates my mother and prohibits me from having a relationship with her. he belives she is a whitch of somesort.its crazy. the only time i get to go outside is when i go to work but i immediately drive home when im done. see i live at home with my sister and my mom with her boyfriend. on my days off im not allowed to go to my kitchen because hes jelous that hes gonna look at me or that im gonna start flirting with him.thats stupid u know. hes insecure. my b/f is extremely jelous.ever since i told him that i wasnt a virgin(before i met him) he always puts me down.i have never cheated on him.i think its useless to be mad at someone that did something in the past. he says he has the right to treat me with insensitivity because i deserve it. he is what one calls a "macho" in hispanic terms. he is one 100%. what hurts me is that i love him . everything was great in our relationship in the beging untill i mentioned i wasnt a virgin. i would do any thing for him but sadly i dont think he would do the same. i know what i must do,but im too weak to leave him im scared of being alone. something ill never forgive myself for doing was having an abortion to keep him from leaving me.i let myself be influenced by his ultamatum. im a pathetic excuse for a 22 year old woman for doing that. and its something ill never forget. there are far more things that he has had me endure to this day buy for now i hope someone reads this. i guess this is my only source of communicating to somebody. i would greatly apreciate if someone would talk to now that i dont hang out with my friends anymore. im trapped in this depressing cycle of undeserving abuse and i wish i was strong to let him go. can some one give me some words of encouragment?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008): Hi Layla,
I was just going off to bed, but I stayed up to write in response to your post. Oh my dear, dear Layla, this guy is treating you so wrong. It's not your fault, you've done nothing wrong, it's not because your weak, it's because this man is abusing you. This is DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, he may not hit you, but he is giving you emotional pain, you are frightened of him, it's actually worse than if he hit you. If he hit you, then you could run to the police, but he's controlling your mind, your actions, your thoughts. He decides who you talk to, he cuts your family off. I know your scared babes, I know you don't know what to do, but you've told us, you've told somebody what is going on and we hear your pain, and we know that you are scared.
You've been very brave, so many women don't even tell, but you've told us, you've written down the things he dose to you, and we will try to help you out. As you know there are many ladies and men on this board, who are living just like you. I remember one lady who was too frightened to eat, because her guy told her she was fat, she was so scared she was actually starving herself, but she never wrote back. I don't want you to feel this way, although your 22years old, you are still so very young. You shouldn't have to feel this way, your not even married to this guy. What right dose he have to control your life, what right dose he have to tell you who to talk to, where to go and how to feel.
You are a beautiful young woman, he must think so, because he wanted you to be his girlfriend. But that wasn't enough for him, he wants to control your past and your future too. This is EMOTIONAL ABUSE, your guy is an abuser, he likes to hurt you. I know your scared, but we need you to be brave. I know it's hard to walk away, I know you need help. But there is help, there are people who managed to get away, there are places that can hide you, there are people who can help you and make sure he never touches you again.
I'm from the UK, here is the link for some advice about what is happening to you http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/domestic_violence.php unfortunately the numbers are no good, because you are currently living in the USA.
THE FIRST STEP IS TO RECOGNISE THAT YOU ARE IN A VIOLENT RELATIONSHIP WHICH WON'T CHANGE UNLESS YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.... well you've taken the first step, you've recognised that something is wrong, and you know that your too frightened to leave.
Here is the link for some services in the USA. http://www.ndvh.org/ 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TYY) I'm not sure what the numbers mean, they are telephone numbers, but we run a different system in the UK.. :)
These people are so protective of your safety, that they even help you to hide your contact with them by the computer from anyone that tries to find out what you've been looking at.
We can't help you, we don't know who you are or where you live, and I live in the UK, so very far away. We need you to leave him, we are frightened that he may hurt you one day. But I know this is hard, so we will take it slowly, one step at a time. You've done the first step, you realise that this guy is hurting you big time... http://www.dearcupid.org/question/warning-signs-youre-dating-a-loser.html
You've done the second step as well, you told someone, you told us. Now it's just one more little step to take. You need to call these people in America, get the professionals and experts to keep you safe. Call them and tell them what is going on. You don't have to give your name, you don't have to tell them where you live, you just need to call them and tell them your story and they will tell you what to do next.
We are not experts, it's difficult for us to give you the proper advice. Call these people and get them to help you to get away, you can not do this on your own. We are here babes, and we are thinking off you and wishing you well. Don't be scared, you have been very brave, and I promise you, you can rid of this bastard and your life will be happy again. BREAK THE SILENCE, MAKE THE CALL... Please come back and update us about your situation, tell us what happened and what they told you to do. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT, but you need help to get away. Our thoughts and goodwishes go with you, and let our blessings protect you and keep you from harm. Take care of you babes, always. Remember YOU not HIM comes first.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008): Hun I know that you are scared and feeling all alone but you are never alone and he can't keep hurting you if you dont let him! It's time for you to fight.....for your life and to take back all the things that you had before him! You sound like a smart girl....and you should never EVER let him make you feel less then a human being. SO youre not a virgin...it happened that doesnt make you any less of a person, you deserve every once of love and compassion..... I think you know the answer to your own question, and I hope you do the right thing, but until you decide to stand up for yourself all the people on here all can't help you..... I wish you the best!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): You know what...
he doesnt deserve you...
dont be afraid to leave him...
there so many nice guys out their...
that will love the way you are...
that were raised to know you hit or even touch a woman with bad intentions..
so dump his ass you desrve better...:] :) 3
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (29 July 2008):
You know the answer to this. You need to leave him. You need to go home and explain things to your mum and sister and they will help you.
Being alone may be scary but is this life honestly any better than that? Being alone is fine! It's not like you'll never meet anyone else.
Disappear from this guys life and don't let him contact you. If it helps then write down a list of all the horrible things he's done and keep looking at that when you feel weak.
Get a restraining order and don't be scared to call the police if you think he is going to get violent.
Good Luck!! xx
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