A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I will start off by saying that I am a very jealous person. I am 28 yrs old and have been with my husband going on 12 years. We have been married for almost 6 yrs. My problem is this and I hope someone can give me some advice. My husband is a wonderful man. But everything has not been perfect in our relationship. Not even a year into our marriage he cheated on me with an ex. I didn't find out about it until 3 years after the fact. He told me about it because he says he couldn't keep it from me any longer. As I said earlier I am a very jealous person and obviously to a degree have trust, insecurity and self esteem issues. But it gets worse. I have always gotten jealous when my husband would even make small talk with another woman. Even if I was right there next to him. But now it is any female. I get very angry and think he wants to be with someone other than me all the time. Even younger family members just because they happen to be female ( I am talking about a 15 year old little girl) To me that is sick that I am even thinking that way but I am. I keep telling myself to stop having these thoughts and to get over it but it just keeps building up. I spoke to my husband about it and he listened to me and didn't get mad but after he had a while to think about it he said that I am basically calling him a pediofile. I didn't see it that way. I see it that anyone that is a femalle is a threat to me and my marriage. It doesn't matter what the age is. What am I supposed to do? I am very confused and I do not know how much more of this I can take or how much longer my husband is going to put up with my trust issues.
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female
reader, Karra +, writes (29 July 2008):
I can say that I know pretty much exactly where u are coming from. Us women are very jealous, some say they aren't but as a group we all are deep down somewhere. Its just some of us know how to deal with it or hide it better than others.
About a year and a half ago I started dating a guy who would tell me I was the world to him I had never had my heart broken I was just as stupid as they come. I thought I would never got hurt and I believed everything that he said to me until seven months later I found out he had been dating someone else for three months of the time we were together.
I was hurt so very hurt and anyone who has been cheated on by someone feels that way. Unless u didn't really care for that person. I think that you never really get over it. I know now its almost 2 years later and I'm in a new relationship with a great man who I believe has no secrets yet anyways. He has been real good to me. But he has two kids with 2 different women he got pregnent at the same time. But he told me about them and that happened before we got together. I told him to just be honest with me and I will give him my trust.
In ure situation your husband lost ure trust. But don't u think its been 3 years u decided to stick with him if u love him give him the advantage of the fact that by now he has told u the truth and wants to earn it back. If he cheats on u again. You may have a broken heart, but atleast u tried u know to make it work. After 6 years of being together giving up would be a waste. Tell ureself this if he cheats on u its his loss, not ures. You are giving him everything u can and the one thing u need to give him again is ure trust. Be his wife be there for him at least he was man enough and loved u enough to admit to the fact he cheated. Some men can't even do that. SO good luck and I hope u take my advice and really give him the second chance. Cus he diserves it for being truthful.
A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (29 July 2008):
 You have serious problems here, and I believe that they are such that they require professional help. You should seek psychological or marriage counseling right away, before this problem gets any worse and tears your marriage apart.
The good news is that you realize that there IS a problem. That's the biggest part of the battle right there. The next step is locating resources to deal with it.
Your family physician can probably be of some help here. Otherwise, you may want to call the nearest referral service affiliated with the United Way. Most communities in the US have community based mental health associations that offer a wide range of services to people who need help. The good thing about these services is that they are normally available to everyone, with fees based on income so that if you have a problem with money you can still get what they need.
And I urge you to get help. You recognize yourself that your attitude has slid beyond what would be considered an expected response to your environment. I suspect you still have not really entirely processed the feelings surrounding your husband's infidelity, and that that is probably at the root of this. But at this point those are questions that really do need to be addressed by a professional. Those things aren't going to get better on their own, and I don't think that anything that we can do or say here is going to be adequate to get you over what you're going through now.
Get professional help, fast.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): I'm also very jealous of every woman my husband comes in contact with.I've felt insecure since I got married too. Its been 7 yrs now but I've never found any evidence about him cheating on me.In your case, because you found out once, that is the reason that you can not trust him anymore. If you see that he has made some changes, some serious efforts to make you trust him again, then you can go in therapy/counselling to make your relationsip stronger.But if there are no efforts from his side, then you have to decide if you want to live like this forever.
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