A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok here it goes and thanks...This guy I'm seeing for about 3 months seems to have a very close relationship with his ex who's the mother of his two boys. They play hockey together 2-3 times a week, he works for her, then he goes to her house 1-2 times a week.She's married has 4 other kids with different dads,and the guy I'm seeing is close to her other kids as well. I just find it odd. I asked him outright if he's still not over her he said he is and I have to accept there close friendship.She's the complete opposite of me,I was a virgin until I got married, I have two children same dad, I'm natural, she has implants, tummy tuck.I wonder why he is he even dating me when he's used to someone who's more seasoned. Sure I believe there's nothing wrong with being friends but this might be too much for me. What do u think?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 July 2012):
 I think it's good that he is spending that much time with the kids. When there are kids involved it ALWAYS get more tricky.
Do your own kids spend time with their dad? What are the ages of the kids?
I have to say in my book, it's a GOOD thing when a guy puts his kids first, however he should neglect you. Since you have "only" been dating 3 months it might be a little too soon to be part of the whole kids thing yet.
But if something seems off, maybe it is?
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (25 July 2012):
 If you would have said they take the kids one time a week or every few weeks to do something, I would think nothing of it. I would think they are doing something together for the kids. However, playing hockey 2-3 times per week, working together, AND still going over to her house 1-2 times a week? Why can't the kids come to his place???
Well, as you've probably read, some people believe that men and women who have had romantic/sexual feelings for another can be friends. I don't. I think they can be acquaintances, I think they can be FRIEND-LY, and I think they can get-along. However, sending frequent communications, talking on the phone a lot, doing things with one another on a weekly basis...? There is something wrong here. This isn't good.
When does he do anything with you? I don't know too many men that have THIS much time on their hands...especially if they have a job and a girlfriend. I would be very suspect.
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (25 July 2012):
 You see it as him spending too much time with her and him still loving her, but I see it as him spending time with his kids.
I think he's trying to do his best staying close with his kids and keeping a positive relationship with the mother of his children.
Having divorced parents, that's all I desperately wanted as a child- to have my parents together with me. Instead they fought over who got me for certain holidays.
I think it's important and wonderful that he has a close relationship with her because it allows him to have a closer relationship with his kids. I think they are doing their best to resemble a family for the sake of their kids.
I also think he will always have some sort of love and fondness for her because she is the mother of his kids. I don't think those feelings go away even if they re divorced.
As the girlfriend of 3 months, can you accept that his kids will always be #1 to him?
If it's still too much for you, you have to realize that you can't change him and force him to limit seeing them- he's going to resent you for it. If it's too much, you might want to find someone that better suits your needs. Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): I see nothing in what you say that would make me uncomfortable about their situation, but then again I don't worry and compare myself negatively to my girlfriends exes, if they were so amazing and great then they'd still have her.
I'll never understand why people feel the need to compare themselves to a persons ex but I do understand feeling that a person is still too close their ex.
OP if it's too much for you then that's the way it is and quite frankly no one can say anything to alleviate that gut feeling that something is wrong here. While there is nothing specific to think that there is anything between them other than being family I can see why you feel he may just not have room enough in his heart for you or even time in his schedule for you. If you can accept that you're always going to be second to her in the sense of his time, emotion and effort then go for it, but if you don't think it will work for you it's best to move on, sooner rather than later too OP.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): How does he even have time to see you when he's so absorbed with seeing her. Any sexting going on, or sex with them?
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