A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone! So my bf and I have been together for almost two years were both in our early 20s. My boyfriend recently told me he has a pee fetish, he basically likes watching porn where girls pee in random places or in public. Recently I noticed he's been watching way more porn than usual. I'm pretty comfortable with sex and have more experience than him. Watersports isn't really my thing but if he likes it I have no problem with it. After he told me I did some research on my own so I can get over my pee shyness and find ways that I can please him. The first time I did it for him he looked excited and we had sex after. However, now when I ask if he wants me to do it he says no. or later or some weird excuse. I've asked him if I did something wrong and he says no. I use his computer often for hw and his history always has porn and he masturbates a lot. Our sex isn't great either. When we have sex it usually starts out good but after he cums he just says I love you kisses me and goes to sleep ends up with me feeling dissatisfied. I'm not an ugly girl I actually get hit on a lot. Besides the sex he's a great bf. But I'm starting to feel very insecure and ugly,I'm even starting to feel jealous of his porn. I've talked to him about the sex he says he'll get better. But the peeing thing I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong? Please any advice at all?
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I love you, insecure, jealous, porn, shy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSam Thanks for your reply! I already do all this you suggested except the peeing part. It's a bit though since he lives with two other guys just showing up naked lol. But we are going away the weekend of valentines day so I will give it a try! :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2014): look some guys are (sex shy)it doesn't mean that he's he not like you it means he needs a refresher while haveing sex so here what you do1.moan boys love that2. encourage him make him want to have sex like kiss a lot tell him your having fun ect.now second question fittish porn show up at his house naked and about to burst with urine (for some reason guys love female deesperaation2.while have sex urinate all over him and say you leeked a bit he will laugh and be more involved.hope it helpbest regardssam
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (21 January 2014):
 OP, what do you suppose would happen if you said what you had to say and went about your business un-phased?
All this crying and hyper sensitivity is a smoke screen to avoid whatever it is he doesn't like. And you caving in the way you do is doing you both more harm than good. You're too focused on the short term.
He's not going to cry forever no matter how upset he is. He will stop eventually and when he does and he sees that the world didn't collapse around his ears and his silly tears didn't get him anywhere he'll be more inclined to listen.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 January 2014):
 Does crying mean he can't handle a discussion after he's stopped crying? I know I have cried when I was upset but after I got over the initial sadness/anger/hurt then I was ready to discuss whatever was really bothering my partner.
And not to put too fine a point on it, which hurt will be greater: finding out you're unsatisfied after another few months or figuring out a way to get close?
"Babe, I need more stimulation like this (indicate) in order to reach my sexual pleasure. We've talked about it a number of times and you fix it for that one time but then it keeps happening."
Did you read that link about porn use? Here is a very eye-opening video describing the problem: http://www.upworthy.com/this-is-what-happens-when-kids-grow-up-on-unlimited-access-to-pornography?
If you can't talk to him about this, he can't alter his approach to sex to make sure you are satisfied as well, what magic wand do you expect us to wave?
I guess you could boil it down to this: his fragile ego (which is strong enough to make sure he gets his) vs. your fear of hurting his fragile feelings (which oddly still ensure he is sexually satisfied).
I think he is manipulating you by making you feel sorry for him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha I have told him this is why it's become a problem because he fixes it once and it keeps happening. And yes I know how to reach an orgasm I actually have a lot of experience. I'm just scared to hurt him you'd be surprised because he's so sensitive and he has cried . This is why I am asking for help. :(
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 January 2014):
If you never tell him that you aren't sexually satisfied, then you are faking it. How long is this a viable option? And is it really fair to him that he isn't getting your honest feedback.
Is he some sort of gazelle that is easily scared and frightened?
If your relationship consists of you trying to keep him comfortable and happy and you have to bury your needs and desires, how is this a sustainable situation?
Answer: it's not.
You've allowed this to happen for two years, time to woman up. Be honest, be brave and find a way to tell him that you need some sexual satisfaction as well.
(You do know how you reach orgasm, right?)
Be brave. Woman up.
Tell him you'd like some more of x so you can experience y.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 January 2014):
This is the problem with porn. It creates images of things that in real life can't ever have the same effect. Your boyfriend has basically been learning about sex from the screen, rather than real life. And now that something that he has previously seen on the screen has happened in real life, you have just become a porn star to him, just like those women on screen. That's also why he's not that attentive in bed and will just turn over. He doesn't really know what real-life sex and relationships are about.
From a male point of view, unless he actively wants to change (and it doesn't sound like he does), then you're probably best ending it and finding someone with a healthier appreciation of relationships and sex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTish and Ciara I totally agree with the getting away with it I just wasn't sure, I notice he watches me when I don't really notice. He told me this was a fetish he developed as a child when he saw another girl his age peeing. The porn thing is really concerning for me. I'm his first real girlfriend. Although he's older he's only slept with two other girls. He lost he's virginity at 21. So he masturbated often but said he didn't watch porn until I couple years ago. I'm scared to be hard on him when he doesn't satisfy me because I don't want to pressure him or scare him from being comfortable with me.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (16 January 2014):
I second Tisha's answer and I'll add that just because he liked something for a while doesn't mean he'll always like it. Interests and tastes can and often do change.
I don't think you did anything wrong. I suspect he's either satisfied that craving or more than likely like Tisha said it's connected to being bad/getting away with something.
I wouldn't mention this fetish again, nor would I read anything more into it.
His fixation with porn should be of greater concern to you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 January 2014):
I expect the pee fetish has to do with being 'naughty' and feeling like he's getting away with something. Having you be a willing partner probably took a lot of that taboo feeling away and made it uninteresting in real life.
The porn use and heavy masturbation is probably more of the problem for him. There's a great website here that explains how porn use can change men's brain wiring to the extent that real life sex becomes boring and leaves him (and you, his partner) unsatisfied. http://yourbrainonporn.com
I would stop offering to indulge the pee fetish as it leads to you feeling rejected. Go over that website, watch the lecture, get yourself educated and then share the website with him.
Good luck, I hope he can change this pattern that is ruining your sex life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2014): Just tell him that there's been enough of him getting off and leaving you hanging. Tell him you feel neglected and like you're not getting a fair deal. How would he like it if you got yourself off and didn't attend to his needs too.
Propose that from now on, he makes you cum first before penetration and then he can cum. If you've never cum or don't know how to or can't, then you just have a lot more cunnilingus, fingering, playing with boobs before penetration.
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