A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 yrs and have 2 children together. Last year he was having an affair and the other woman now has his baby. He loves his child and wants to be a part of his life. My problem is I know he and this woman have to communicate and there's no trust between us. He confessed to me after I had. A melt down rthar he does have feelings for her but that he loves me omg I just don't know what to do. I want us to work I don't want to give up on my family how can I get her off his mind I hate this I'm so hurt should I even believe a word he says is it possible to love to people at the same time please some one give advice what should I do he says he want us to work but he's never clear on what he will do with her what am I suppose to do?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 March 2010):
 Seems like he isn't a keeper honey.
*hugs*
I'm so sorry, not only did he betray the fidelity of your relationship, he betrayed your trust, he betrayed your private innermost thoughts and feelings.
You may not believe this, but you DO deserve better. Let him go. Let her have that mess of a man. I'm willing to BET it won't be long before he will stray and seek greener pastures.
Focus on YOU and your kids. You need to regroup, re-focus and understand that life isn't over. The only thing that is over a relationship with a man not worth a pot to piss in.
Find a counselor, a rabbi, priest, pastor, and work though it.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 When you have been brought down to your knees and when nothing seems right for you ,call upon God or Jesus(Yeshua) and ask Him for help.
He is knocking on your door. Please let Him in to help you . What is impossible for man , is possible for God.
He will show you the way and the truth and will help to lighten your burdens and heal your pains.
My prayers and thoughts for you and may God's grace and healing powers be upon you.
Think of your children and be strong for them. In times like these, you are their pillar and you should not waver nor give up hope.
Have faith in God that He will bring you through. Focus on God.
You will rise again from the ashes.
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A
female
reader, Hard_decision  +, writes (30 March 2010):
Your in a very hard situation right now - and believe me i know EXACTLY how your feeling. There were days when I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again - and sometimes I still do feel that way as its still very fresh for me, but you have to be strong, dont let some selfish man take away your chance of living your life and your happiness. Times will be tough and you have a long road of recovery ahead, but you will make it through this - and if you decide to leave him then one day you will look back and think "I cant believe I almost settled for that" because an amazing guy will come into your life and treat you the way you deserve. I know its hard to imagine right now because the last thing on my mind is being with someone other then the man i love.. but they chose to show us that we didnt mean a great deal to them.. so why should we give ourselves to someone who doesnt appreciate us.. hang in there - you and your kids deserve a happy life, just focus on yourself for now.. be strong.. I crumbled too many times and let him back into my life because i believe his promises..truth is people dont change overnight - nor do they change in just a few wks/months. It takes years for ppl to change their cheating ways, and years because they need to prove its a long term change and not just until they got you back. Stay strong xo
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i got in touch with her finally and we clarified things. hes been playing with my emotions the whole time! i am beyond hurt the things he refused to talk to me about he talked with her about! he told her all of my business detail by detail she recounte my life to me. things that i confessed to him for love the abuse i suffered as a child everything. i dont know what to do im so lost right now. obviuosly i meant nothing to him. i never did him wrong in these six yrs i dont understand why he did this. to me i dont know i feel llike im going to go insane i cant get up because im so destroyed over this i cant look at him i havent seen him the shame and embarrassment wont allow me to face him. i have the kids to live for but i dont know where to start or even continue it is a selfish feeling i do know but life has knocked me down so much i feel like i cant anymore!. evrything was a lie
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A
female
reader, Hard_decision +, writes (25 March 2010):
Your very brave and mature contacting the woman directly. I did the same thing, I felt in order to get the truth I had to speak to her as my bf at the time wasnt telling all the truth. I guess ask her how long they had been seeing each other, ask her if he told her he loved her, ask her if she loves him. I know these things will be very hard to hear the answers of, but trust me you need to know. If she is still inlove with him and wants him, she will not make life easy for the two of you if you take him back. Dont expect her to be nice though - when I first contacted the mistress she was horrible to me, even though I was the innocent one. Bottom line, people dont like to share the ones they love, she doesnt wanna share him with you and you dont wanna share him with her - be also weary that she may make up lies to make you dump him so she can have him. You will be able to pick out the truth in what she tells you because you know your husband better then anyone else and know his personality. Accept what she tells you (if she responds) but soley its up to you... I didnt stay, he still contacts me for another chance, but I know my love is deserving on someone who will return it to the full extent that I give it. Stay strong - dont put him and his feelings first, your number 1 along with your children.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): I know it is very difficult for me to just walk away from the whole thing. I have not really forgiven him or really forgotten anything. I sent the woman an email and said that we needed to talk asap and clarify things I left her my number to call me. I'm so scared of what she will tell me but I have to face it. And due to the fact that he refuses to answer there's obviously something lurking there. I need the truth for the sake of me and my kids. I don't wish tog ett into a tit for tat with this other girl what should I ask her and how should I do it I want her to see that I'm stromfg person and not weak. Thanx
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (22 March 2010):
Some women would choose to leave ,while some will choose to stay and fight.
To stay or to leave ?
No one can decide for you and you must weight the pro's and the con's.
Your b/f has committed a faux pas.
There are three options.
1) That he let go the other woman.
2) You share the man.
3) You let your b/f go.
You will have to make your choice. Think long and hard and decide after much deliberations.
Do not be hasty and wait until you are calm to decide the final decisions.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 March 2010):
Talk to him. If you have any questions then sit him down and explain to him that you need answers.
You two have a LOT of unfinished business with the whole infidelity YOY TWO need to deal with that before moving on to the now and the future.
I would suggest you guys find a marriage counselor.
Trust is NOT easy to regain. It is for HIM to EARN that back. He needs to know that.
Honestly you have EVERY right to know everything. He needs to lay EVERYTHING out on the table. No one deserve to live in limbo like that.
I have to say if my husband had a child with someone else, I would leave. That would not be something I could ever forgive & forget. But that is my own personal opinion.
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