A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im frustrated with my bf. Hes been staying over at my apartment for almost the entire year. I go to med school about 5 hrs from where his dad lives. I like that he lives with me and we dont have many issues, except for every single time he goes home, he nvr comes back when he says he does. I have no problem with him going home or for how long. But what bothers me is that he always has me expecting him at one time but he always ends up coming later. And whats worse is that he doesn't call/txt to let me know. He either lets his phone die or turns it off. He went home thursday n said he would be back friday. I only heard from him Friday morning bc he needed help with something and thats it. The rest of the day his phone was off/dead; according to him his phone died n him n his dad had to spend 7 hrs at a car dealership that his dad had to go to. And this morning he bombarded my phone with his calls, which at first I ignored n eventually picked up. He didn't even ask me how i was or if i slept ok. All he wanted to explain was why his phone was dead n what he did yesterday. He knows i get mad everytime he does this, but why does he have to do this every single time??? Im not sure how to approach him now. I was so mad at him yesterday for not replying to my txts or calls. Now hes coming today n idk what to do. Perhaps i should let it go so nxt time he wont feel scared/guilty to tell me that he cant come back on time? Or maybe that's just the kind of person he is n i cant change him. Weve been together 6 yrs n hes not only my bf but also my best friend, but i cant take it when he does this everytime he goes home. N then he says hes going to take me out n buy me things, which he's clearly doing bc he knows im upset with him. What do i do? and yes ive spoken to him about it before nicely n clearly he doesnt respect my feelings.
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male
reader, liddel +, writes (20 February 2018):
Phones die. It really happens. I would not likely break up over this. Personally, I would call his family and tell them you are concerned because he said he was going to be back and wasn't.
We joke that my wife's phones are for outgoing calls only. She has two of them and it's not unusual for them to both be dead or the ringer turned off. In the grand scheme of things, while it caused me unnecessary worry, it's not a reason enough to leave. Overall, she has gotten better but it still happens.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2018): That is thoughtless, inconsiderate and uncaring of him, and to keep doing it knowing it bothers you? I'd be rethinking his level of investment. His behaviour sends big, red flags of possible cheating!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 February 2018):
 Oh and the whole "taking you out and buying things" when he gets back because he knows you were upset.. Just tell him no, thanks.
To me that buying things, it's a sign of guilt. So what is REALLY going on, on those home trips?
How often does he go home and how often does this happen?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 February 2018):
He spend 9 hours a with his dad and he couldn't use his dad's phone to text and say "hey phone is dead I will text/call when I charge it" And honestly... who doesn't have a phone charger in their car?
BUT that aside. IF this happens EVERY time he goes home, why aren't you used to it by now? I mean it's an fairly easy pattern. He goes home and you won't hear from him until he comes back. Are there things SO important that you need constant contact when he is home visiting family?
My advice? NEXT time he goes for a home-visit - put his number on "go straight to voice-mail". DOESN'T matter if he "NEEDS" something... just don't call him and DO NOT answer calls from him. YOU take a break from these expectations of him being available while home.
Do that a couple of times and either he will pick up on that BUG hint (or you can tell him if he asks) that you don't see the point in you being available when HE isn't.
See what happens.
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